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By whoops - 25/05/2014 21:23 - United States - Spring Hill

Spicy

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 081

You deserved it 10 225

By Anonymous - 08/07/2015 20:50 - United States - Saddle River

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 962

You deserved it 2 090

By aero00 - 27/07/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 583

You deserved it 13 523

By madisonnkelly - 06/07/2015 03:18 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 586

You deserved it 3 115

Thanks, asshat

By LowerCrust - 30/01/2012 02:36 - United States

Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 225

You deserved it 2 088

Sorry for your loss

By dpod121 - 04/03/2010 19:41 - United States

Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 679

You deserved it 9 291

By a - 06/12/2012 06:15 - United States - Clarksville

Today, as my friend was rudely rummaging through my phone, she saw a picture of the pottery I've painted her for Christmas. Not only did she see it, but she also declared it ugly. That's probably the present I'm the most proud of this Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 438

You deserved it 2 496

Boozehound

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 897

You deserved it 3 003

Riveting

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 752

You deserved it 23 205

By NowBroke - 04/04/2016 09:38 - United Kingdom - Malmesbury

Today, I found out my mother drives my car. I was okay with it; I don't use it all the time and she's my mother. However, I was not okay with the multiple speeding tickets that came through in the post. "You're the registered keeper, so why should I pay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 623

You deserved it 1 848

By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 476

You deserved it 3 609

By crimsoncon - 25/11/2011 10:24

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 528

You deserved it 2 816

By Joey - 06/10/2012 05:57 - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 914

You deserved it 2 363

By VetStudent - 04/09/2013 07:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I started my new internship at a vet clinic. By the end of the day I had: been peed on, scratched, forced to stuff a dead dog into a plastic bag, thrown up and almost passed out. I need to rethink my future career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 916

You deserved it 9 080

VetStudent tells us more.

VetStudent 1

Wednesday 4 September 2013 23:31

Ha! I can't believe this actually got posted!! I had just gotten home from my internship and wanted to vent anonymously. How funny. It is overwhelming, but I'm going to stick it out. I've learned my lesson: do not go in sick or with a full stomach.

Ewwww, gross

By Tancred - 15/09/2011 07:36 - Canada

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when a guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached into his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 746

You deserved it 2 172

By Penkkis - 13/09/2011 06:11 - Finland

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic "horror hand" I bought for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 607

You deserved it 9 088

YouTubers take note

By anon - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Germantown

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 202

You deserved it 6 933

No good deed…

By SCdriver - 16/07/2012 06:04 - United States - Lexington

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 235

You deserved it 36 269

By cupcakechick - 04/06/2013 20:55 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper with me and complained that my "constant" apologies for upsetting him drive him insane, and without thinking, I said I was sorry. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 851

You deserved it 21 218

cupcakechick tells us more.

cupcakechick 17

Wednesday 5 June 2013 19:59

hey guys, OP here, my bf is an amazingly great guy, and he cares about me very much, and Its just I have low self esteem, so even if I bump into him, ill apologize over and over again, and it bugs him because im always beating my self up, we have great communication, so later that day he called me back and apologized for being rude, im the luckiest girl alive to have a bf like mine :)

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 05:05 - United States

Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 053

You deserved it 8 105

The Vengabus is coming

By tim12345 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 536

You deserved it 3 642

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 08:04 - Estonia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 725

You deserved it 3 210

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 02:47 - United States - Louisville

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 948

You deserved it 4 064

Jesus freak

By Max Flynn - 20/05/2011 10:07

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 424

You deserved it 15 746

By Whatever01 - 10/03/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 219

You deserved it 94 210

By hwood - 09/09/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my grandmother was sent to the ER. My family blamed it on her being allergic to my cats, making me feel guilty. She just called me to tell me the test results informed her that she is actually allergic to the carrot cake they got her. I gave my cats away 15 minutes ago to a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 532

You deserved it 8 243

By Julie - 25/12/2012 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 234

You deserved it 2 795

By Socarates - 18/02/2011 21:07 - Ireland

Today, I drove over 200km from Dublin to Galway, with a broken window. It rained for most of the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 281

You deserved it 5 701

By Anonymous - 28/01/2015 19:28 - United States - El Dorado Hills

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 970

You deserved it 2 922

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 991

You deserved it 3 698

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The Top

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Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 093

You deserved it 3 374

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 695

You deserved it 828

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 357

You deserved it 2 529

Today, Christmas got cancelled this Saturday because of my narcissistic sister being upset that the guest list has two of her old friends, who are now my friends. It's my first Christmas with my family or friends in 23 years, and my mum even offered her a separate dinner on the 25th, but nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 247

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest, "No." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 490

You deserved it 3 762

Today, my client is currently behind bars for repeatedly assaulting his wife, whom he suspected of being unfaithful to him. Now she's asking my help to get him out of prison, but her messages keep suggesting an interest in me that might get me into trouble once her husband is released. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 187