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By xxccruzxx - 29/06/2012 13:30 - United States

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 169

You deserved it 29 884

By harvdog - 02/10/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 076

You deserved it 5 229

By Sun_Kissed18 - 09/07/2014 07:26 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 502

You deserved it 4 209

By gibbette - 28/04/2013 17:32 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 599

You deserved it 7 324

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 15:49 - Australia

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 222

You deserved it 45 510

By Jorgina226 - 11/08/2010 16:33 - United States

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 946

You deserved it 27 103

By OptimusVader - 13/03/2013 13:36 - United States

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 808

You deserved it 4 777

OptimusVader tells us more.

OptimusVader 23

Wednesday 13 March 2013 20:00

Well I did mention it was rickety. It rocked while I dusted and it was just poorly made, overall. It tilted forward, the drawer slid out and I couldn't catch it in time. Then BAM! Sudden singing light show from an old woman's rabbit.

By helenablitz - 28/08/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 073

You deserved it 5 117

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 16:59 - United States - Harker Heights

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 439

You deserved it 6 771

Way to be creepy

By Shoe - 27/02/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 950

You deserved it 40 232

My drip

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today, but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 852

You deserved it 67 042

By Why - 24/04/2016 18:59 - United States - Marlborough

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 913

You deserved it 2 032

By dudster25 - 10/04/2016 04:20 - United States - Hanford

Today, I was both sexting with my girlfriend and texting my professor about an upcoming essay. I accidentally sent a dickpic to my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 392

You deserved it 40 130

Noise complaint

By scarred - 27/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 170

You deserved it 3 967

Boom boom

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 335

You deserved it 3 187

By snidpea - 31/01/2010 17:07 - France

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 068

You deserved it 3 491

By praise the prenup - 03/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Delaware

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 930

You deserved it 3 059

By ShadowReiku - 23/08/2013 02:05 - United States - Odenton

Today, my mom put me in charge of her business's Facebook. Later, I was doing homework and took a Facebook break, changing my status to "So fucking boring." I'd forgotten to log out of the business account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 714

You deserved it 60 418

fishyrael tells us more.

fishyrael 28

Saturday 24 August 2013 1:34

Hey guys. I did realize my mistake very shortly after and deleted the status before anyone caught it. My mom's business is still getting off the ground and so I would be very surprised to find out that anyone at all saw it before it was deleted. As for no one caring, my facebook is only for very close friends, so I wasn't expecting any likes or anything - just any reprieve from the dullness of what I was doing. This was not really an end of the world thing, just a little "Oh shit" moment I thought I'd share.

By Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 872

You deserved it 2 946