Miscellaneous Smooth - FML

Smooth

eayers2689 - 30/05/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Great first impression

bleeding - 06/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview, then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, only to see that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

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Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

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davincourt - 29/04/2012 18:31 - United States - Apollo Beach

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

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lalanon - 03/04/2009 05:16 - Australia

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

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DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

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Big tasty

reisz618 - 31/05/2019 07:00

Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML

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CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

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Tasty snack ideas

Stellarum - 18/08/2014 15:13 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

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justmyluck? - 18/02/2011 03:02

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

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pickit - 25/02/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

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Katers22 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:35

I would slap you if you licked your finger then touched me. YDI, for way intruding a thing called personal space.

jillz 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:35

Did you actually put your spit on her face? F Her L

likeduhhx4 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 7:39

that's ******* sick.

Whaddabe 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 7:40

Well that sucks.... She didn't go for the old "licking your finger and tenderly touching her" move?

thepunisher_fml 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 7:42

honest mistake ill give u that but couldnt u have gotten a napkin instead??

mishel 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 8:03

ew.. how could you mistake bbq sauce for a scab..

lawlkat 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 8:07

What? A Pimple for BBQ? Sir, GTFO out of my board.

DarkMirror 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 8:33

Well...ew...I mean it was just a mistake, but still...ew...

xabuko 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 8:49

Damn mate...touch luck!!!

ttech10 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 9:14

Hey you got some BBQ sauce on your cheek. You know what would be better? SALIVA!

erroneousx2 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 9:17

I LOL'ed at number one. Made my day aha. But, that's pretty nasty. :P

Jareth_fml 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 9:57

Why would you think your spit would make a good cleaning agent?

holagranola 15

Saturday 5 January 2013 22:51

It would make more sense to just tell her there was something on her face.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

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Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

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Today, I was changing a flat tire on my car when it fell off the jack and crushed my hand. After ripping my hand free and waiting 2 hours for AAA, I get to go find out if my hand is broken. FML

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Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

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Today, after having pulled like three all-nighters and studying hardcore for months, when it came down to it, I couldn't solve even one question. I almost broke down. FML

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Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML

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