Intimacy Get out of here

Get out of here

Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Life goals

ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

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Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

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Grossed out

ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

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Sounds hot

oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

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Nice try

Anonymous - 02/11/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks tried to use sex to manipulate me. After sex, I was blissful and half asleep, which is the time she chose to tell me she has some credit card debt and could I please help her pay it off. £27,000. Yeah, no. Don’t let the door hit you on the way back to the street. FML

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Time is money

asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

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Finger wagging

Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

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Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

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Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

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Go away - 10/11/2013 08:03 - United States - Humboldt

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

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Garzoo 4

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:43

Wow. She's a keeper!

kut19 6

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:45

Too cheap to spring for the prostitute?

Okayitwasme 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 15:23

Look for a new girl! In the mean time enjoy the strip show.

meggy2010 5

Tuesday 3 January 2012 15:30

Pocket the money and do without the sex!

MaxG123 8

Tuesday 3 January 2012 15:32

Just say to her " We don't need to rush things, we can do whatever you are comfortable with".

aFreedom127 9

Tuesday 3 January 2012 15:48

How much? Enough for a happy ending I hope.

russfml 31

Tuesday 3 January 2012 16:03

Dump her

zoe768532 1

Tuesday 3 January 2012 16:18

Well she was thinking of you what more do you want.

Ibeatmyself 3

Tuesday 3 January 2012 17:12

marry her quick

SmittyJA24 26

Tuesday 3 January 2012 17:15

She doesn't hate the idea is sex, per se; she hates the idea of sex with you.

simgar98 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 17:18

free stripper what sucks about that

hateevryone 14

Tuesday 3 January 2012 17:41

dang, you might as well cheat on her if thats the case.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend of 5 months walked in on me naked while I was on the toilet. She proceeded to tell me that she wants to watch me taking a dump. I'm both shocked and too hard to do what she told me. FML

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Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

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Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

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Today, my parents went on vacation and told me that it is "absolutely imperative" that I do the dishes while they are gone. Instead, the sink decided to break and nothing will fix it, so I'm currently writing out my will. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

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Today, there's a family reunion in my parents' backyard. I'm not invited because my Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents are upset that I'm divorcing my ex-husband. Apparently, trying to kill me doesn't matter since he's funny, always made excellent barbecue chicken in past reunions, and everybody loves him. FML

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