Intimacy Get out of here - FML

Get out of here

Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

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Life goals

ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

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Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

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Grossed out

ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

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Sounds hot

oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

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Nice try

Anonymous - 02/11/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks tried to use sex to manipulate me. After sex, I was blissful and half asleep, which is the time she chose to tell me she has some credit card debt and could I please help her pay it off. £27,000. Yeah, no. Don’t let the door hit you on the way back to the street. FML

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Time is money

asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

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Finger wagging

Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

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Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

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Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

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Go away - 10/11/2013 08:03 - United States - Humboldt

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

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Garzoo 4

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:43

Wow. She's a keeper!

kut19 6

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:45

Too cheap to spring for the prostitute?

XmyviolentheartX 13

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:03

It's a trap! Lol.

maryam8869 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:19

agree.

ObsessedWithMe 13

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:12

Just accept that sometimes women just aren't in the mood to **** and take the money so you can at least enjoy yourself. She obviously wouldn't mind the small infidelity.

maryam8869 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:15

may be she wanna save herself till marrige.

GreenDancingBear 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:17

hey, most girlfriends would be pissed if you went to a strip club... yours pays for it!

Enslaved 36

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:18

So she rather you go to a strip club and come back home even more hornier than before? "There is no sex in the Champaign room."

alyspar2 5

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:20

I feel the love here!

Mirorbo 26

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:22

Geez... I'm all for the idea of putting sex on the low end of the priority list, or saving yourself for marriage, but that sort of delivery seems a little cold.

DontForgetMe4 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:26

Wow! She must really not want to have sex with you...hahahahaha.

Red_Wing_Nut44 14

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:36

Well than take the damn money!

NOWAYJOSE 14

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:41

Maybe she has herpes and wants to keep you in the dark.

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 minutes away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

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Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

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Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML

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Today, I drove from Seattle, WA to Vancouver, BC for the Three Days Grace concert. I was so excited when I found the building. There was a big readerboard that flashed "THREE DAYS GRACE" and I cheered. Then it flashed "CANCELLED." FML

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Today, we had a new babysitter coming over to the house and my kids were a bit anxious, so I asked her to send me a message telling me how it went. At around 10, I received a message saying, “it’s going alright. Both kids are in bed.” I have three children. FML

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Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML

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