Intimacy Get out of here - FML

Get out of here

Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Life goals

ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

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Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

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Grossed out

ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

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Sounds hot

oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

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Nice try

Anonymous - 02/11/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks tried to use sex to manipulate me. After sex, I was blissful and half asleep, which is the time she chose to tell me she has some credit card debt and could I please help her pay it off. £27,000. Yeah, no. Don’t let the door hit you on the way back to the street. FML

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Time is money

asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

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Finger wagging

Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

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Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

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Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

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Go away - 10/11/2013 08:03 - United States - Humboldt

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

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Garzoo 4

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:43

Wow. She's a keeper!

kut19 6

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:45

Too cheap to spring for the prostitute?

XmyviolentheartX 13

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:03

It's a trap! Lol.

maryam8869 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:19

agree.

ObsessedWithMe 13

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:12

Just accept that sometimes women just aren't in the mood to **** and take the money so you can at least enjoy yourself. She obviously wouldn't mind the small infidelity.

maryam8869 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:15

may be she wanna save herself till marrige.

GreenDancingBear 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:17

hey, most girlfriends would be pissed if you went to a strip club... yours pays for it!

Enslaved 36

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:18

So she rather you go to a strip club and come back home even more hornier than before? "There is no sex in the Champaign room."

alyspar2 5

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:20

I feel the love here!

Mirorbo 26

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:22

Geez... I'm all for the idea of putting sex on the low end of the priority list, or saving yourself for marriage, but that sort of delivery seems a little cold.

DontForgetMe4 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:26

Wow! She must really not want to have sex with you...hahahahaha.

Red_Wing_Nut44 14

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:36

Well than take the damn money!

NOWAYJOSE 14

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:41

Maybe she has herpes and wants to keep you in the dark.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I went on a blind date. As I waited for him in a pet-friendly mall, my friend said, "He's eccentric and has swag!" I didn't exactly know what she meant until I met him. He arrived with a miniature horse with a light pink coat and puffy fuchsia mane and tail. FML

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Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

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Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and their boyfriends were seated at one table, while I, as the only single girl in the group, was put on a table with all the other single people. They were all over forty years older than me. I feel like I have seen my future. FML

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Today, I got a raise. A 10 cent raise. I have worked at my job for over 3 years. I now make 20 cents more an hour than people that have only worked there 3 minutes. FML

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Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

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Today, I live on the second floor and my neighbor from below banged on my door, telling me I sounded like a giant elephant and needed to learn to be quiet. I was eating ice cream in bed. I also live alone. FML

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