Sex, Sextoys Intimacy Freaky

Freaky

Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

No fun allowed

Match my freak - 01/01/2026 20:00

Today, I showed my boyfriend all my kinky sex toys, hoping he'd be excited. He was actually freaked out and said that I have "way too many." Sorry I'm not a boring Christian prude who's afraid of her own pussy, I guess. FML

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Sharing is caring

Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

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Peaked

herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

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possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

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No kinkshaming, but come on…

Erik Monkey - 27/04/2022 07:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML

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Show and tell

Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

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Anonymous - 13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

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Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

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Bigger than...

Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

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Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

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rockr_chick 5

Friday 27 August 2010 16:32

its going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway

Smyth 3

Friday 27 August 2010 16:37

A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.

RajaRaja 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

hah

GrammerNazi1000 8

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

I suggest HOLY SHIT!!

lesliexhardcorex 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

oh god. hahahaha

Granddragon 0

Friday 27 August 2010 18:45

haha I know. I'm just hoping he has skinny forearms.

MarkSeattle 0

Friday 27 August 2010 20:32

lol. no kidding. even a super tiny guy forearm would be 10" long and at least 9" circumference towards the elbow.

hateplow 3

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

classy lady

swimmerstud 7

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

DeesFMLs 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

LOL

xxroseyxx 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:23

blahhh

DeeeXoxo 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

haha you have a crazy gf

Doopliss01 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

MrConfusion 21

Thursday 5 May 2016 5:38

Found the 10 year old!

nibbles101 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

loosey goosey :]

j5p332 6

Friday 27 August 2010 16:43

Indeed. Good luck throwin' your hot dog down her hallway..... or break in the backdoor...

Colecto_fml 26

Thursday 13 February 2014 16:42

After what we've heard, I don't think the backdoor would need any breaking in

swimmerstud 7

Friday 27 August 2010 16:23

I ment you not your. haha I wonder how floppy her ****** is?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I've been trying to find and revisit a song that my dad listened to all the time when I was a kid, and I finally found it. Except now I'm old enough to realize the lyrics are about a psychotic man who gets put in a "home" for things I cannot put in here. FML

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Today, I went to my friends-with-benefits's house as planned. My phone was on do not disturb so I missed the message half an hour before I was supposed to be there, asking to come tomorrow. I arrived and he had another chick there. Most awkward encounter, being asked to leave when she was the last minute plan, not me. FML

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Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

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Today, I bought a new shirt I thought looked cool. At work, three people complimented me, then each one added a variation of, “My dad has the same one!” By lunch, my confidence had left the building entirely. A coworker even asked if I’d gotten it from the “retro section.” FML

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Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

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Today, while clearing out my kitchen, I discovered a Tupperware container that'd been forgotten for so long it'd developed its own ecosystem. When I opened it, a funky smell engulfed the kitchen, and I realized I had unintentionally created a new form of life. I promptly closed the container, then put it in the freezer in the hope of killing whatever it is. FML

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