Love, Health, Fire Miscellaneous Easily distracted

Easily distracted

Jeanine - - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Dude, what the…?

Anonymous - - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

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Dumbass

Anonymous -

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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Doofus

Coykoi - - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

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Smoking is so cool

Burnt - - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

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Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

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Happy New Leg

Anonymous -

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

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oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

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Piss off, basically

lonelyandcold - - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

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Effed up

sunny_funny - - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

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Stuck

canessadawn - - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

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dontbegayy 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:30

dump him .

redbluegreen 40

Friday 29 May 2009 11:31

And you want to marry someone so absent minded?

56578 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:33

I'm with #75, don't let him have any offspring....

caretoshare 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:33

wtf. is this guy . . . healthy? lol. that sucks anyways.

calicokitea 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:37

Wow.... I'd probably be to the point of breaking it off with him, but asides from that, I am really and truly sorry that this happened to you.

were_giraffe 2

Friday 29 May 2009 16:39

i'm assuming you've decided to dump him and find someone a bit more responsible?

neverland_fml 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:43

Agreeing with #79 all the way.

spank_u_veryhard 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:54

yo quiero taco bell!

shalvius 3

Friday 29 May 2009 16:55

damn

kernelkat 16

Friday 29 May 2009 17:02

Taco Bell is pretty hard to resist.

thenmymomgotajob 0

Friday 29 May 2009 17:11

YDI for being with such an oblivious idiot.

cattoe7 0

Friday 29 May 2009 17:18

hmmm so he seems nice.. ? lol i hope you don't speak to him ever again.. or if possible have him placed in a nice brick building that can help him.. it sounds like he didn't come back to reality after all those acid trips..