Love, Health, Fire Miscellaneous Easily distracted

Easily distracted

Jeanine - - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Dude, what the…?

Anonymous - - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

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Dumbass

Anonymous -

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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Doofus

Coykoi - - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

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Smoking is so cool

Burnt - - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

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Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

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Happy New Leg

Anonymous -

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

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oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

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Piss off, basically

lonelyandcold - - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

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Effed up

sunny_funny - - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

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Stuck

canessadawn - - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

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dontbegayy 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:30

dump him .

redbluegreen 40

Friday 29 May 2009 11:31

And you want to marry someone so absent minded?

butterflys322 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:31

i was reading these comments laughing at how huge of a deal everyone is making it because after i read that i thought that is totally something that i would do! and all you people saying this must be a stoner- i agree- because i am baked as fuuuckk right now! hhahaa munchies

turdburgers 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:33

Do you love him or the stuff that burned down more?

Taiki_fml 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:44

ur marrying the dumbest man on the planet, congrats

bambition7 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:53

sorry for the loss but at least the marriage papers were burned not u wont have to marry his stupid a**...but seriously who leaves a fire for a taco it better have been the best damn taco on the planet for all that shit that went down in ashes

IllegalLight 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:57

this is stupid and hard to believe. FYL for a stupid FML.

NightMareLife 8

Friday 29 May 2009 22:58

Wow... wth .. tacos? really wow... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out something is burning and call 911? but this guy makes it seem like it does... and #4 your a retard..

GrapefruitZoe 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:08

#7, he is not a typical male. That's really rude of you to say. Plenty of men are wise, and plenty are fools. However...that was astonishingly stupid of him.