Love, Health, Fire Miscellaneous Easily distracted

Easily distracted

Jeanine - - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Dude, what the…?

Anonymous - - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

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Dumbass

Anonymous -

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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Doofus

Coykoi - - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

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Smoking is so cool

Burnt - - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

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Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

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Happy New Leg

Anonymous -

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

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oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

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Piss off, basically

lonelyandcold - - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

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Effed up

sunny_funny - - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

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Stuck

canessadawn - - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

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dontbegayy 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:30

dump him .

redbluegreen 40

Friday 29 May 2009 11:31

And you want to marry someone so absent minded?

SturmFireforge 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:39

Smart man; tacos are amazing.

hilda_kitty 16

Wednesday 21 July 2010 18:13

I have a feeling that there is like a sale or something at the restaurant where they sell tacos... something like 'Burn your house down and get a 50% discount on all tacos!!!' 

mizolips 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:39

seriously, dump him perhaps?

blookitty 5

Tuesday 19 April 2011 7:01

divorcing him should be easier now since he torched your wedding documents!

anonaussie 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:39

idiot

Olly_fml 3

Friday 29 May 2009 11:40

Wow.... just.... wow. Seriously how ******* stupid can you be. Someone obviously doesn't pay attention to real world situations. I wonder if someone like that when stubbing his toe giggles with joy.

Muse_89 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:40

Wow.

melikeulongtime 4

Friday 29 May 2009 11:42

The guy is superb. Congratulations!

newguy90 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:43

I don't get why so many think dumping him is such a good idea. have these people never been in a real relationship? keep the dumb ass. everybody deserves more than one chance ;)

BananEnigma 24

Wednesday 20 July 2016 4:02

He burned their f**king house down over a TACO. The guy is a damn fool.

SoundEcho 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:47

This truly is horrible, however, I can't help but wonder, was he STONED?! sheesh. Munchies much? I can totally see a hardcore stoner doing something that brainless.