Awkward, Parents Intimacy Don't wanna know - FML

Don't wanna know

Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

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CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

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more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

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linn - 27/09/2012 20:14 - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

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confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

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tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

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Thanks mom

Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

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PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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The birds and the bees

Anonymous - 04/08/2022 18:00

Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML

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Scarred for life

Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

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TheFlyingMan 8

Wednesday 16 February 2011 12:09

I bet she's pretty good.

Asoka_fml_fml 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 12:45

you should've said "mom said your dicks small"

cat444des 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 12:59

If sex wasn't good you might have not been alive!!!

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 16 February 2011 13:11

I concur. Your mama is awesome in bed. Man, the things she can do with her tongue. Mmmm.

Jonkbaby 22

Wednesday 16 February 2011 15:45

what if his mamas a man

jess6blondie9 2

Thursday 17 February 2011 0:09

Then she would be called dad.

DausVanDerDzeko 0

Friday 18 February 2011 12:42

Precisely .

rattusrattus 18

Wednesday 16 February 2011 13:41

At least you didn't walk in on the good sex. That's a mercy. A small one. It's still gross. On the plus side, your parents won't get a divorce due to reasons stemming from boring sex.

FYLSLOWLY 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 13:47

FYL! LOL!

Mister_Grinch 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 14:26

Oh shit wrong FML.

my2centsworth 15

Wednesday 16 February 2011 14:35

No one deserves that.

jazziness 12

Thursday 17 February 2011 4:53

OP does for paying attention

Troll1 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 15:02

well, your mum IS quite good. I would know.

foremostsucks1 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 16:27

I managed to get away from that lol

Hawkcody1958 1

Wednesday 16 February 2011 16:56

ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. fyl

MissBunny25 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 17:24

hahahahaha ew

MaximilianMarche 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 18:00

hey there

19eightyeight 4

Friday 18 February 2011 5:41

real smooth

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

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Today, I had a job interview. Everything was cool, until I found out that the HR recruiter was my mother-in-law. She told me that the work was mine if I break up with her daughter. I have until the next Wednesday to think about it. FML

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Today, I once again tried to purchase a membership for a hiking adventure club. I ended up purchasing the same annual membership for the third time. They have already helped me recover my funds once. These people are never going to want to go hiking with me. FML

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Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

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