Spiders, Scary Animals Catch - FML

Catch

NaniNarcotic - - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

lacsmac2 - 01/11/2015 14:10 - Australia

Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML

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jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

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lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

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Leave spiders to chill

Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

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spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

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Bath time [GONE WRONG][CREEPYPASTA]

noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

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Adapt, improvise, overcome

Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

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She definitely won though

Anonymous - 24/08/2018 15:00

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

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Juicy breakfast

Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

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eebie jeebies - 30/05/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

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white16sox 19

Tuesday 16 August 2011 15:57

What what in the butt?

Ballplayer3313 3

Tuesday 16 August 2011 15:57

RHYNO HUMP!

EnEl_Infierno 15

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:51

But the spider is ok, right? And YDI! Ya putz.

MangoRico1 1

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:53

Wish we had that on video

Cleao18317 11

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:05

Rhino!

hahalaughing 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:05

heehee(: what kinda spider was itt?

i_l_y143 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:06

& that my friends is why we do not mess with our sisters..

raphanne_fml 33

Tuesday 16 August 2011 18:03

...and definitely not with spiders either...

xXSmilezXX 7

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:12

Carma is a bitch

Cleao18317 11

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:22

It's Karma

sac2000 6

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:58

Damn right

chris1913 5

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:13

Grow up a little thats not funny

Juicy0023 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:13

Damn u deserved that one.

BrianAlarcon 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:17

Dumbass...

jewel_blonde211 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:20

totally deserved it

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a hot British guy. He spent 90% of the date talking about his ex, but I invited him back to my place anyway. He came after 20 minutes of foreplay then left without even offering to get me off. FML

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Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

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Today, I was slapped by a fourteen-year-old girl because I was apparently "stealing her boyfriend." I'm twenty-five, and her boyfriend is my nephew. FML

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Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML

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Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

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Today, while working from home, I thought I heard someone knock at the door. Without thinking, I shouted, “I’m naked!” A moment later I heard my neighbor say, “Uh… I just wanted to tell you your car headlights are on.” FML

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