Spiders, Scary Animals Catch - FML

Catch

NaniNarcotic - - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

lacsmac2 - 01/11/2015 14:10 - Australia

Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML

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jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

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lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

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Leave spiders to chill

Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

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spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

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Bath time [GONE WRONG][CREEPYPASTA]

noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

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Adapt, improvise, overcome

Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

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She definitely won though

Anonymous - 24/08/2018 15:00

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

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Juicy breakfast

Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

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eebie jeebies - 30/05/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

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white16sox 19

Tuesday 16 August 2011 15:57

What what in the butt?

Ballplayer3313 3

Tuesday 16 August 2011 15:57

RHYNO HUMP!

zeta24 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:01

talk about incest

that_is_Nathy 9

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:01

Let's see what yo are complaining about: You hurt yourself because you acted stupid while trying to be mean to your sister? you SO deserve it!

cowboyhater4ever 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:04

YDI for being sexy.

frankieredsox 7

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:04

Are you four?

sxe_beast 11

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:51

ARE YOU?

xXshadowrollerXx 6

Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:24

Dun dun duuun!

DrIDGAF 7

Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:18

I am 12

acaciastrainftw 2

Tuesday 16 August 2011 23:01

^ and what is this?

Jacobt24 19

Wednesday 17 August 2011 7:41

Obviously it's a flying cat

robertsa426 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:04

Shouldve ass punched her instead. But you have to call it first.

cupcakegirl93 8

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:06

Trying to "knee" your sister in the ass ? This just sounds way wrong! Anyways YDI for obvious reasons.

xblitzx34 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:07

Dats wat u get

starsfan_9 7

Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:39

Guess what you get? A bleak future for being illiterate

steeledwolf 8

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:08

Jackass

jbo116 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:08

Wow you're an idiot for even thinking that would be funny. That's just disturbed. YDI!

NomOnShroomz 14

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:12

I believe failblog.org would be a better website for you.

HannahLouise96 13

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:12

That's what you get for being a dick.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, some idiot kid teased and taunted me for weeping on my "already bad performance", recording it on his phone threatening to put it on social media. I was singing and playing the guitar, in front of my childhood sweetheart, and supposedly soon-to-be wife's grave. It was our song. I do this every year on this day. FML

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Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML

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Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

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Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription migrane pills to get me through my day. The pill made me dizzy and nauseous, so I took a motion-sickness pill. That pill gave me a migrane. FML

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Today, I thought something was wrong with my car battery because my dashboard lights were really low. I paid $77 to find out the dimmer switch was turned down. FML

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Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

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