Health Candy Andy - FML

Candy Andy

bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

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BrokeAndHungry - 24/07/2016 17:05 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

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Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

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love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

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What ARE you doing?

Anonymous -

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

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dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

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Bigmouth strikes again

Anonymous - 14/12/2022 18:00

Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML

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The sleepwalkers are at it again!

sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

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ilovekids? - 12/12/2015 02:05 - United States - Commack

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

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nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

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TipOfTheHat 10

Monday 21 November 2011 18:50

It's an expression! Your not actually supposed to do that!

xxcreativedreame 5

Monday 21 November 2011 18:51

Wow. It takes a REAL loser to do that. Seriously.

thericcanator 4

Monday 21 November 2011 21:50

Poor baby

Zoranius 6

Monday 21 November 2011 22:02

I don't want to live on this planey anymore.. YDI!

nado13579 12

Monday 21 November 2011 22:05

You're such a jackass. Go to hell. >:(

Mifflicious 18

Monday 21 November 2011 22:19

In my head I see a kid with a lollipop.. I hope it wasn't a lollipop that the kid had started licking on, or I'll puke on my laptop D: .. I'll never know..

Akala_fml 11

Monday 21 November 2011 22:21

Wow what a loser. Who does that?

noplesh 3

Monday 21 November 2011 22:34

therr should be an "i agree, your a b****" button for you

ScrapperDoggie 4

Monday 21 November 2011 22:35

Just as there should be a "I'm a herp derping retard that can't use "you're" correctly" button.

Forlorn420 9

Monday 21 November 2011 22:47

I hope it was good candy at least...

KaskStunter 4

Monday 21 November 2011 22:51

You are such an antihero! Congrats, don't change your way of thinking.

theressarina 2

Monday 21 November 2011 22:54

You shouldn't have told us this.

ItsYourMamaDoe 0

Monday 21 November 2011 22:55

Candy doesn't satisfy hunger.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

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Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

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Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

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Today, my fiancé called off our engagement after I contested his belief that women stop having periods after they are married. FML

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Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

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Today, my boss introduced a new hire and said, “You two will get along great.” I tried to make small talk, tripped over the recycling bin, and spilled paper everywhere. The new hire said, “So… is this, like, normal around here?” Unfortunately, yes. FML

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