Health Candy Andy

Candy Andy

bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

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BrokeAndHungry - 24/07/2016 17:05 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

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Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

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love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

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What ARE you doing?

Anonymous -

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

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dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

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Bigmouth strikes again

Anonymous - 14/12/2022 18:00

Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML

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The sleepwalkers are at it again!

sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

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ilovekids? - 12/12/2015 02:05 - United States - Commack

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

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nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

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TipOfTheHat 10

Monday 21 November 2011 18:50

It's an expression! Your not actually supposed to do that!

xxcreativedreame 5

Monday 21 November 2011 18:51

Wow. It takes a REAL loser to do that. Seriously.

PaperPlanes415 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 22:35

When yur hungry you're hungry

Horcruxer 0

Wednesday 23 November 2011 0:53

And that's a FML right? Attention ***** much

shots1996 8

Wednesday 23 November 2011 1:46

Punk

piwikiwi93 0

Wednesday 23 November 2011 3:13

Your such a horrible person!!! FYL!

cheerluv15 0

Wednesday 23 November 2011 3:46

Any sane person would be that hungry to have to steal candy from a baby

SouthernKiller 4

Wednesday 23 November 2011 4:42

Funnest FML I've ever read. I'm a ass n I wouldn't do that. Lol

Baytheshark 14

Wednesday 23 November 2011 5:02

Wow. Get off your butt and make yourself an sandwich.

tylersign 11

Wednesday 23 November 2011 5:27

144- Is it just me, or do they bash you like, 400 feet into the air...?

CoolRainbowdash 15

Wednesday 23 November 2011 5:31

If you can pay for internet you can buy food

lionlvr 9

Wednesday 23 November 2011 17:51

Wtf dude?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was talking to a coworker about gender reveal parties, and how dumb and dangerous they're becoming. A nearby coworker then burst into tears and ran out. It appears that she's having one this weekend. FML

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Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

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Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

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Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

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Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

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Today, I tried to explain to my 23-year-old boyfriend the difference between "your" and "you're". I do this every other day, but it's like his head is permanently stuck in the first grade. FML

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