Your everyday life stories

MamaMilk - 06/04/2016 23:42 - United States - Flint

Today, I was breastfeeding my 4 month old son while waiting for the bus at the bus stop. A man jogged by and stopped to explain that he was on a new 'organic health diet' and asked for some milk. When I declined, he stormed away and had cops come over to me, telling me off for 'Public nudity.' FML

icrei - 06/04/2016 23:18 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, I went on a date hoping to get laid, we went back to his place, all he wanted to do was play pokemon. FML

deathstep - 06/04/2016 23:08 - United States - Marion

Today, I found out how perfect the acoustics are in the bathroom at school. I could hear someone with explosive diarrhea during math class. During a quiz. FML.

bigmusclebro - 06/04/2016 22:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I checked the spam folder of my email account and noticed a rather official looking email. It turned out that, three weeks ago, I was next one in the wait list eligible to take that class. I needed it to graduate this year and am now forced to go another term. FML

momlife0109 - 06/04/2016 22:35 - United States - Miami

Today, I got the frozen soundtrack because my daughter loves frozen, now its the ONLY thing we can listen to in the car without her screaming bloody murder, here goes let if go for the 60th time ... we still have 2 more hours in the car. FML

Adultingishard - 06/04/2016 22:28 - United States - Madison

Today, I went to my future place of work for negotiations and to sign my working contract. We were chatting when I suddenly realized I REALLY had to pee. I dashed away, but it was too late: I urinated all over myself and on the bathroom floor. I had to buy sweatpants at Kmart for the drive home. FML

feelsbadman - 06/04/2016 22:24 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, I found out I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

winecrab - 06/04/2016 22:21 - United States - Miami

Today, I went to Walgreens to buy a pack of cigarettes. The cute girl working there asked me if I'd like to donate a dollar to a charity for children. I said "sorry, I only have $5". The total was $5.06 so I reached into my pocket to get some coins and a bunch of singles fell on the counter. FML.

SKYstlimit - 06/04/2016 22:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found my dog chewing on my dildo infront of my mother.... FML.

theviciouscyclecontinues - 06/04/2016 21:43 - United States - Pella

Today, I got a job and was accepted into college. This would be great, except my "non-negotiable" work shifts and required classes are now scheduled at the same time. I can't pay for school without the job, but I only got the job because my program acceptance impressed them. Neither will budge. FML

Anonymous - 06/04/2016 21:41 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, at school, I was chatting to my friends when I felt something sharp jab in to my back. I turned around to see a wooden stake on the ground. A teacher threw a wooden stake at me because he "didn't want the school to be infested with vampires," FML

sexualising - 06/04/2016 21:31 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me so he could win a bet, made three months ago, to take my virginity. FML.

jesusofsuburbiax - 06/04/2016 21:24 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today, I am looking after my boyfriends snake while he and his family are in Holland. I didn't realise that he uses an automatic heat bulb that turns on and off quite often. I can't sleep with lights on and the tank is in my bedroom. Only ten more sleepless nights left. FML.

Jpres1 - 06/04/2016 21:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally tried out for basketball. The volunteer coach told me I was the worst player he had seen, even though I made more points than anyone else. Later people told me he's known to be racist, I'm black. I no longer have any chance until he leaves. FML

Anonymous - 06/04/2016 21:11 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I messaged my crush on Facebook to ask if he was alright, because he got hurt at school. After a 5 minute conversation he says "not to be rude, but do I know you?" I've sat next to him in class for 3 months. FML.

oops - 06/04/2016 20:57 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my cock ring came loose while I was balls deep in my wife. It's 2 been hours and it's still in there. We've used fingers and tweezers and stuff to try and get it out. My wife says if we end up in the ER she's gonna kill me, in an interesting fashion, over an entire weekend FML

toilet water - 06/04/2016 20:53 - United States

Today, my toilet clogged, spilling water all over my bathroom floor. My husband then decided to start plunging, spilling more water on the floor. In an attempt to clean it up, he snapped the head off the mop. Now I have to get down and dirty with a little kitchen sponge to clean it up. FML

Anonymous - 06/04/2016 20:37 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I found out that I'm never getting laid. Ever. My girlfriend, who I'm too in love with and have been in love with for too long to break up with over something like this, admitted to me that she's asexual. Even masturbating has now lost its appeal because that's all I'm ever going to get. FML

Probably dead by the time you read this - 06/04/2016 20:28 - Mexico - Monterrey

Today, I woke up to 18 missed calls and 23 audio messages from my girlfriend. FML

Wraith09 - 06/04/2016 19:55 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, I was switching up my screensaver picture at work, to keep it interesting. Usually I have cars or nature pics. Today I loaded up a Ring Wraith picture from Lord of the Rings. The office princess reported me for "displaying an offensive picture". FML

Anonymous - 06/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Livonia

Today, I found a long pubic hair loged in between my patient's teeth while I was cleaning them. Bulb and all. FML

AwkwardSarcasm - 06/04/2016 19:45 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, the most amazing thing I've done all week is bake a cake. Which isn't bad, except I spent all last week bragging about how amazing my Spring Break would be, and how I would send pictures. Well, my plans got canceled leaving me with nothing interesting. FML

meansister - 06/04/2016 19:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out that one of my closest guy friend was a creep. How? I found hundreds of pictures of me and my friends on his phone. FML

Mad_Maxx - 06/04/2016 19:32 - United States - Hammond

Today, just as I started to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time in months, my leg cramped up. We couldn't continue. FML

laneycat - 06/04/2016 19:27 - United States

Today, I went to the girl's bathroom. Long story short, it ended with me trying to explain how to unclog an overflowing toilet to a seventh grader, while another girl clogged the stall I was waiting for. Our bathroom only has two stalls. FML.

LostGirl9456 - 06/04/2016 19:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I fell asleep in the middle of masturbating. I woke up with my toy still inside me, my vibrator in my hand and my pants around my ankles. It would have been pretty funny, if it wasn't my mom who woke me up. FML.

festibal - 06/04/2016 19:02 - United States

Today, I got carded which is normal but the cashier said take it as a compliment you look under 35. I'm 26 fml.

zaise_chsa - 06/04/2016 19:02 - United States - Los Altos

Today, I found out the new intern receptionist gets payed more than I do. I'm the head of my department. FML

Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:39 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my work crush is now dating another guy from the office. If that wasn't bad enough, the girl had politely declined me a few days ago saying that she doesn't date co-workers. I was only finally just allowing myself to move past it all. FML

Kotlopou - 06/04/2016 18:37 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my memory issues worsened even more. I tried to keep a diary with important homework etc; but I cannot remember to open the diary regularly. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

46 408

2 855

Today, my son was crying and my dad's way of helping was to go to the pub for an hour, then come back after my son had cried himself to sleep. I’d have kicked him out but he does a lot of other things around here, and I couldn’t cope without him. It doesn’t stop him being an insensitive prick. FML

260

915

Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML

46 863

4 524

Today, I'm babysitting two 6 year old kids. One of them won't stop screaming, and the other kid found his mom's vibrator and won't stop playing spaceship with it. The parents will be home in an hour. FML

45 502

5 488

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

66 655

9 810

Today, my dad is terminally ill from bone cancer. It’s been 2 months and not even one of my so-called friends have asked me how I’m doing or how my parents are doing. They do however contact me when they need something. I have always been there for them - guess I was a fool. FML

871

137