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FYI I never found out who said it because it was in a group but the band got lectured the day after about being s team and helping each other even though I didn’t say anything so happy ending I guess???

Hey guys, OP here! I've been having fun reading the comments and, out of context, I would totally deserve this. However, this happened about 6 years ago and I just wanted to share this with you all because my mom is an FML gem haha. "My dog" was actually the dog I received as my 13th birthday present. In all honesty though, he was more my mom's dog than anything.. she even chose the breed so it appealed to her tastes rather than the rest of the family's (standard poodle). Then she let my sister name him after she threw a hissy fit and he was dubbed Danzig (Danny). But Danny was great and really smart when we first got him. He caught onto tricks almost instantaneously. Sadly, my mom who is only 4'11 and 90 lbs and a total nut thought allowing a grown 1 year old standard poodle to jump out of the car on his own was too much to ask of him and was convinced she was supposed to carry him out instead until one day she dropped him on his head on the driveway. He actually had brain damage and he was unable to be trained very easily (it took months just to reteach him his name) but he was still such a sweetheart and a joy to be around! So when I say she "untrained my dog", it had much less to do with him not listening to commands and more to do with the fact that he had been respectful of other people and gentle and knew not to eat food off of the counters until after I left.. in which case she taught him it was okay to jump full force on guests, steal food off of people's plate (he made attempts even when you were watching!) and, of course, SOMEHOW teaching him to fart on command to "toot toot!" (she didn't even know how she successfully did it. Probably just by saying "toot toot!" every time he farted for 6 months). My mom thought it was the greatest thing and during dinners she would just yell "toot toot!" and Danny would release some of the most vile farts haha As for the people wondering why I left my dog for 6 months with my mom, I'm sure in context you can see it was to go pursue an education since when I left I was 18. I'm 24 now with my own lovely black lab Nylah and I can barely leave her with a dog sitter for more than a day without feeling guilty! For your own amusement, I have made my profile picture of the dog Danny (if you look, you'll see red and orange on the top of his head. That's because my mom gave him a mohawk from head to bottom and had it dyed red).

OP here. I never thought for a million years that this would get posted, but it did which is equally awesome and creepy at the same time. I just wanted to clarify a few things. Firstly, thank you for the puns. I love puns and these are the breast I've seen in a while. I'll show myself out. Secondly: I have no idea why it says Leeds. I have never been to Leeds in my life. I'm in Edinburgh, over 200 miles away in a whole other country. The guy in question turned out to be my neighbour -cringe - on his way back from the pub very drunk and most probably high. I haven't seen him since and most probably won't for a while if I can help it. The reason I was naked was because I'd come in from work the night before, showered and passed out in bed from exhaustion. I hadn't noticed I was naked was because it was FIVE THIRTY IN THE MORNING. I had obviously been in a deep sleep because that's what normal people do at 5.30am. Literally the only thing going through my head was that I wanted the idiot to shut the hell up and let me sleep. And no, it probably wasn't exactly 3 minutes but it was long enough for me to go to the toilet, back to my bedroom then try to remove my robe before I realised I wasn't wearing it. Also, he probably laughed so much because he was drunk, high and a crazy naked woman was hanging out her second floor window at 5.30 in the morning. Finally. yes, breasts. Because that's what they are.

Yay! This is mine. So more back story her and her husband both have dementia so they often get lost wondering around or lose each other. Her husband is the sweetest old man and she is very cranky and rude. It was an awkward situation and she's been told not to walk around naked because it's a family facility and she often wears nothing but a small towel to walk around the pool deck as well. Can't blame her too much because at her age most people just don't care anymore. Also we have a sign that specifically states to wear clothes in the sauna.

OP here: 1. To the gentleman (or gentlewoman, didn't bother to check) who said I stole her little boy, no that would be girl. So yeah there is that. 2. I don't hate my mother-in-law nor does she hate me. Hell her family treats me better than my own. Now let me get on with the back story: We we're out there (in Texas from Arizona) due to my Mother-in-law getting remarried. We got a call that one of my in-laws was broken down and needed help, so I got up to help. I asked my mother-in-law if she could put my laptop and charger away. She told me I didn't have to worry, the dogs wouldn't chew it up etc but she would put it up. It's not a big deal apart from the fact they live in a small town in Texas and it's a bit of a drive to get to a store with new cords. With wedding preparations and all that, wasn't an option right away to get a new one. Hope that clears up some confusion though I'm sure I just created more. (Also this is my first posted FML, yay)