Family, Drugs and Health: Trippin'

Trippin'

By oxymorons - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter, or my son. Turns out they all are. FML

agreeclassic 35 056

vote type 1 3 279

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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By MyLifeSucks - 15/04/2013 22:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

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Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

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Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/09/2017 01:30

Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML

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By CosmicJoke - 12/08/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML

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By GLX - 14/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out one of the neighborhood kids has been stealing from my mailbox. Several packages marked "delivered" had gone missing over the last few months, so I set up a trail cam in the yard. I notified the USPS and the police; they confronted him at his house. He's been reselling everything I ordered on eBay. FML

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WCARlover 34

Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:11

Wow, looks like you could start up a family drug business!

NickCassell 2

Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:11

Can I has some? :D

Comments

galactictoast13 22

Tuesday 18 October 2011 22:19

substitute viagra and get a laugh dude

writergirl23 19

Friday 6 April 2012 5:59

Explains why it's going so fast

Cyric4223 2

Tuesday 19 June 2012 19:20

can't delete my comment that was placed on the wrong post :(

Red_Rising 13

Friday 1 August 2014 17:37

The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree

goaliestud30 23

Monday 3 November 2014 4:12

Jerry springer time!!!

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

agreeclassic 4 640

vote type 1 292

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

agreeclassic 62 816

vote type 1 4 833

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

agreeclassic 11 717

vote type 1 74 132

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

agreeclassic 33 029

vote type 1 3 464

Today, my husband walked in on our daughter naked in the bathroom, which was awkward enough for both of them, but it also meant he discovered her nipple piercings and thigh tattoo. She’s only 15 years-old. The shouting hasn’t started yet, but it's coming soon. FML

agreeclassic 1 084

vote type 1 533

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

agreeclassic 16 279

vote type 1 62 280