AriKoZum - 27/03/2018 21:57 - United States - Boston Today, while visiting my mother, I found out I was adopted. I'm 32. FML. 90 5
Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML 31 904 5 860
Today, I've been getting weird vibes from my boyfriend of over a year and half, so I made a fake Tinder account. Guess who my first match was? My now ex-boyfriend. FML 1 418 209
Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML 26 540 3 614
Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML 41 066 3 306
Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "Ha! When losers send you flowers." FML 33 793 2 615
Look on the bright side. Now you can date your sister!! :-)