Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting...

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

agreeclassic 33 981

vote type 1 4 333

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Milking it

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Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

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By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

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Desperate

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Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

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Rotten

By anon - 05/02/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML

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By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

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Carry On Milking

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 18:00

Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

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Snowball

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

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Spicy date

By veggiedude - 08/05/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

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New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

agreeclassic 3 534

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lysx84 24

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...

TrippingOnAcid 29

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

Can she pop out a ping pong ball?

Comments

upallnight11 19

Friday 22 May 2015 17:16

That's impressive

kurodansei 16

Friday 22 May 2015 17:23

I believe her milkshake has brought a few boys to the yard.

sunyaph 23

Friday 22 May 2015 17:31

ohh that's nasty

Omniprism 14

Friday 22 May 2015 17:32

Now why in the hell is she putting milk in her ******?

obliviongillette 18

Friday 22 May 2015 17:40

We got a squirter!

fallenkilljoy 13

Friday 22 May 2015 17:42

Disturbing

Sam_Dchi 23

Friday 22 May 2015 17:48

Oh good, you can have breakfast in bed!!

Selene1090 26

Friday 22 May 2015 17:55

...I'm scared to ask how...

ksbrdkntr 5

Friday 22 May 2015 17:57

Bet her milkshake bring all the boys to the yard

Motherhood 20

Friday 22 May 2015 18:01

wonder what a month will bring you

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Top

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

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vote type 1 6 012

Today, I got my braces checked by another orthodontist since I've had them for years and my teeth never got the way they should be. After 8 years and 27 x-ray exams, my orthodontist didn't do much except loosen the root of the tooth to the point where I can move it. FML

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vote type 1 194

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

agreeclassic 55 955

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Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

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vote type 1 5 478

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend Thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

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Today, yet again. my boyfriend told me I'm getting fat, even after I told him to stop and that it's affecting my mental health. I had an eating disorder previously, and now I'm thinking about going back to just eating an apple a day. FML

agreeclassic 1 305

vote type 1 231