Intimacy: Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with...

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

agreeclassic 58 185

vote type 1 20 932

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Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

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By Heifer - 16/05/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

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By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

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It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

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By humiliated - 26/02/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time. Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

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By showerpower - 21/01/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

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By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

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Exploding milk ****

By not that kinda squirting - 30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

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By moo... - 18/05/2013 02:59

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

agreeclassic 45 520

vote type 1 13 219

kirbydumas 10

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:22

Well thanks OP. Now none of us can drink milk without thinking about that too.

mpkpm 19

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:23

Seems like you were a bit too thirsty..

Comments

sammylove143 0

Wednesday 28 May 2014 12:00

Holy shit! Thats nasty.

marzforlife 8

Tuesday 3 June 2014 16:32

LOL!!!!!! So I see you like the farm lifestyle ;)

tessybear19 8

Wednesday 11 June 2014 5:25

Am I the only one imagining Fat Amy as the overweight chick?

TackleFace 2

Sunday 15 June 2014 20:29

I can't drink milk anymore.

Ninja0718 8

Tuesday 17 June 2014 16:46

Please I'm sorry to say this, but that last sentence made me laugh a bit

_Vanie_ 6

Saturday 21 June 2014 14:35

I drink almond milk strictly. Thank The Lord!

THEDARKLORDOFALL 17

Friday 27 June 2014 21:31

Good Job mate

The_Burrito_Guy 6

Saturday 5 July 2014 6:02

I'm drinking chocolate milk right now...

Marebare23 17

Friday 24 October 2014 4:19

Not that it's a big problem, but why did you bring up the fact that she's overweight? It didn't pertain to the story at all.

fantasyworld 37

Friday 19 December 2014 19:59

Eww.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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