Alcohol Miscellaneous The mouthfeel

The mouthfeel

rookiemistake - 27/04/2015 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Connaisseur

Anonymous - 06/01/2025 03:00 - Ireland

Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML

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First impressions

medik - 23/02/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

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Business casual

Anonymous - 08/04/2013 08:30

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

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tryandtryagain - 28/04/2011 04:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

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Hi-de-hi

Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

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Wine buffs

ThatWineGuy - 23/12/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, some friends and I had a wine tasting evening, and I tried to impress my friends by showing off my extensive knowledge of different wines. I confidently described the subtle "notes of vanilla and oak" in a bottle of wine… only to find out that my "friends" had pranked me, and it was actually grape juice. FML

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The wedding from hell

Anonymous - 04/04/2023 14:00

Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML

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blegh - 16/01/2009 04:57 - Switzerland

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

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The Hangover

Anonymous - - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

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No third base for you

Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

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fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Monday 27 April 2015 12:20

Wearing a white shirt while wine tasting? You like to take chances :)

Cads1 24

Monday 27 April 2015 12:15

Guess you should have swallowed that.

Parvati48 15

Monday 27 April 2015 17:58

That sucks OP hope you're ok, but wearing white to a wine tasting is dumb.

writerchic85 25

Monday 27 April 2015 18:00

Good girls always swallow lol

coffeelicious 11

Monday 27 April 2015 18:18

Swirl, sip and spit huh? Well spit comes naturally to you... I'm sorry >.

pineappleeater 15

Monday 27 April 2015 19:34

Aw, I hope it wasn't red wine!!

mattrd_fml 31

Monday 27 April 2015 19:36

I hope it was white wine..

Evil_Jester 17

Monday 27 April 2015 19:42

Beginners luck...

gabby_john_ 15

Monday 27 April 2015 20:46

Swallow next time

dc2fresh 15

Monday 27 April 2015 21:00

this should teach you that you don't always have to fit in

xpsychocatladyx 15

Monday 27 April 2015 22:30

just swallow and enjoy OP lol

Hash13 13

Monday 27 April 2015 22:55

Hahahaha Hahahahahaha sorry op. I just couldn't help myself.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after 6 months of my baby sleeping 10 hours through the night, she's now going through sleep regression a week before I return to work. I'm now getting about 3 hours of broken sleep per night. FML

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Today, I left a gift on my colleague's desk, with a note saying I liked him. He brought it over and handed it back, and told me he's married. His Facebook says he is single. FML

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Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

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Today, I was bitched out by a pizza delivery man. I didn't have the cash to pay him for a pizza I didn't even order. FML

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Today, I found out just how painful it is to get a cramp in your penis in the middle of sex, especially when your wife is on top and just has to keep going for a few more thrusts because she's so close to finishing. FML

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Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

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