Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it, then showed it to all my friends at my party, all while we were eating. FML
Today, the girl I really thought I had feelings for told me she kissed me on the cheek because I’m a sweet person, but she doesn’t want to be my partner. FML
Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought that a few candles in our room would create a cozy and romantic atmosphere. Especially the one on the bookshelf. That candle damaged only one book - it was signed by my great professor, who's long gone. She doesn't understand why I can't just buy a new copy and deal with it. FML
Today, at my father's funeral, a stranger tried to grab me. When I held out my hand, she mugged exaggerated hurt and shrieked, "You DON'T want a HUG?" My awful aunt then guffawed, "She had her hand out! She thought she was gonna shake hands!" to get the crowd to laugh at me. At my father's funeral. FML
Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML
Today, like every day, I made myself some coffee with my Keurig, but today I discovered a lot of mold growing inside it. I guess that explains why I've been so sick and feel like my lungs have been on fire the last few weeks. FML
A number two in the shape of a number two? Stepdad: FTW! What a flawless victory!
wow, thats just disgusting