Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML
Today, I was on the phone with an Apple advisor, who helped me back up data to my computer using remote assistance. As we did, every file transferred showed up with a real-time preview. All of a sudden, the nude selfies I forgot about rolled in. He immediately shouted, “OH WOW.” It wasn’t a good “wow” either. FML
Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Today, I overheard my mom talking about how she would love me if only I didn’t have ADHD. FML
Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML
Today, I received a package that I thought contained a textbook for law school, for which I paid $130 used. Instead, I received a paperback novel titled "The Nosy Neighbor" by Fern Michaels. My semester starts next week. FML
dumbass.
you spelled blonde wrong :)