Your everyday life stories

lunaangel - 13/04/2016 03:24 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after a month of being self harm free I tripped and ran into a tree . Nobody believes that I didn't do it. FML

Speeder - 13/04/2016 03:21 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was speeding up on a road with absolutely no cars. When my daughter said we're going to fast, I rolled down the windows and said "it's an open road!"A cop car came out of a side road and I got an $300 ticket FML

tdl_derp - 13/04/2016 03:18 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, i went from student to suspect in a drugscase, all because I obliviously cleaned up some dead Cannabis plants that my fishy neighbour left in the hallway. I was just doing some spring cleaning. I had never seen a cannabis plant before in my life. But i can say i saw a holding cell now, FML

friends - 13/04/2016 03:16 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was texting my Mom. I didn't realize my friend switched some of my words in my phone to something I never say so when I texted my Mom i said "I suck little dicks you" I meant "I love you" ugh FML

eashansahai - 13/04/2016 03:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my dog ran away to my ex's and she refuses to return it. FML

GingerSnap98 - 13/04/2016 03:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I am a recovering self-harmer. I also broke up with my boyfriend today and was struggling to manage. I kept myself together enough to be able to go to my 3-hour psychology class. And today's lesson: Suicide. FML

wasteful - 13/04/2016 03:04 - United States - O Fallon

Today, I found out that my husband only uses bottled water to wash his face. Not just any bottled water, but expensive mineral water he had specially imported from Ukraine. FML

bleh - 13/04/2016 03:01 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a simple filling redone. This usually isn't an issue except for the fact that my anxiety was really high today and I almost passed out when they put the numbing gel on. It went from a 10 minute appointment to 30 minutes of me trying to stay conscious. FML

dogestuffup - 13/04/2016 03:00 - Jordan - Amman

Today, I was chosen to represent the debate team in my school against a canadian school. I live in a homophobic country and I am secretly gay. guess what was the subject of the debate. Homosexuality. I literally had to defend Homophobia in front of a guy talking about my rights. FML.

anonymous - 13/04/2016 02:53 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, I decided to show off my soccer skills to my crush during gym. I had a clear shot at goal, except his crotch got in the way. What happened to him? He ruptured his left nut. FML

dancerox94 - 13/04/2016 02:53 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I had to go the doctor to do a urine sample for a physical for my summer job. I got a call an hour later saying that my urine showed signs of a UTI that I now have to get medicated for. FML

RogenP - 13/04/2016 02:49 - United States

Today, I got called into the office at work. HR gave me a write up for coming in late. I pointed out that I never clock in late. Her words 'Your clock in times don't matter. You've been late.' We have to scan in. There are computer records of my clock-in times. What's worse? I'm salary. FML

anon - 13/04/2016 02:18 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting down with each other and decided to 69, all was going great until she let out a fart by accident... I now have pink eye. FML

SNZL - 13/04/2016 02:09 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I have been housesitting for my parents for a week, mostly hanging around watching TV. Thanks to my mom's untrained poodle's penchant for insane barking, I now have a Pavlovian response to have a mini panic attack every time a fake doorbell rings in a show. FML.

scarred4life - 13/04/2016 02:08 - United States - Lebanon

Today, while at work, I received multiple nudes and dirty messages from my sister and then a huge apology explaining that her boyfriend shares my name and she hit the wrong contact. That was not a scarring event. FML.

LeEpicMemerDoge - 13/04/2016 01:52 - United States

Today, I came to the realization that I have more hair on my genitals than I do on my head. FML.

foodporn - 13/04/2016 01:50 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I became so hungry that I found myself getting aroused from the thought of eating enchiladas. FML

Great - 13/04/2016 01:42 - United States - Wyoming

Today, someone's phone went off during our SAT and had the same exact ring tone as me. After my heart attack subsided people glared at me and I was kicked out of the class. I had to go get my phone out of my locker to call my mom, FML.

TheBarista - 13/04/2016 01:25 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was cleaning up after closing when I heard a mouse squeak. I then proceeded to search for and try to catch it for 2 hours, before coming to the realization that my stuffy nose was the source of the squeaking, not a mouse. FML.

Anonymous - 13/04/2016 01:16 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, my boyfriend was jerking off so hard that he broke my tooth when tried to cum in my mouth. FML

taylovezadtr - 13/04/2016 01:16 - United States - Levittown

Today, I was video chatting my crush and my dad knocked on my door. I told him to come in and he screamed BONZAI and body slammed me onto my bed. My crush wont stop laughing and talking about how much I scream like a girl. FML

soaked - 13/04/2016 01:05 - United States - Loveland

Today, the new pastor tried to surprise us by spraying water on the congregation, from behind. He was using a fully soaked tree branch. I'm bald from chemo. He hit me square in the back of the head & soaked me & my shirt. I'm now the bag guy because, being startled, I screamed. FML

TheWorldshaker - 13/04/2016 01:04 - United States - Palmetto

Today, Three months after I received my letter from the judge telling me I have completed all conditions of my probation and am finally free. My probation officer calls me and tells me she has violated me for not paying a fee I've already paid. Jail won't be so bad the second time around. FML

Anonymous - 13/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out both my best friend and my sister are pregnant. Neither were trying. I've been trying for ten years. FML

Anonymous - 13/04/2016 00:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my brother lost my $400 Nikon Camera Graduation Gift. FML

Anonymous - 13/04/2016 00:39 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my Sister went to the office to tell that my parents beat her with a belt constantly. This never happened, and my sister was just mad that my parents yelled at her for not turning in her homework. FML

carstairs - 13/04/2016 00:30 - United States

Today as I got into the public bus an old lady upon seeing me promptly commented on how teens ruin their life with pregnancies. I'm not pregnant. FML.

marisavz - 12/04/2016 23:27 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was standing on a short wall while getting a ball from our roof for my young cousin, my immature brother thought it would be funny to scare me. I fell off of the wall into a cactus, his only response: you were scared though right? FML

Anonymous - 12/04/2016 23:14 - United States - Bethlehem

Today in the cafeteria I got punched and called names for "staring" at the popular guy's girlfriend. I was born 100% blind. FML

OliverVetch - 12/04/2016 23:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, on route to a job interview, my belt, pants zipper and button broke. I puffed my gut out and managed to survive 2 hours of discussions without incident, until the very end after papers were signed. The CEO and I stood to shake hands, then they fell down. I lost the offer. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I unexpectedly shat myself at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

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Today, I threw up on the subway. Luckily, because I hadn’t eaten all week, it was just the seven pints of beer I'd had previously chugged. FML

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Today, I hung out with my boyfriend after two days of purposely not seeing him, just so he could have the chance to "miss me." When I asked him if he'd missed me, he said no. FML

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Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for "disciplining" her son, saying, "You're not his father!" I've lived with them for two years, supporting them, while his real father is off shooting up heroin, but sure, I'm out of line for telling the little brat that I don't like being called "Butt-crack." FML

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Today, as a reward for starting to eating healthy, I got the squits at work. After going to the restroom, my stall didn't have toilet paper, the other two stalls didn't have any either. My boss definitely noticed too when he walked in on me with my pants around my ankles. FML

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Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

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