Toilet

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 11:00

Today, and since being diagnosed with bowel cancer, I realised I’ve been unintentionally limiting the places I go to, like shops and restaurants, based solely on the quality of their toilet paper. Not really complaining, I just thought it was kinda funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 140

Make it stop

By Kate is late - 16/04/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's house and was so excited to try her fancy bathroom with a “smart toilet.” The toilet had a “sensitive” bidet feature, and when I tried to stand up, it somehow thought I was still sitting and started spraying repeatedly. I just froze while standing, as it repeatedly splashed water on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 309

Hello?

By SBae - 14/03/2016 15:49 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 034

You deserved it 9 244

Oh, hello there, don't mind me

By downinthedumps - 13/01/2015 02:47 - United States - Detroit

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 020

You deserved it 3 350

Back to square one

By HomeChump - 28/09/2016 05:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was so proud I'd fixed the toilet with a hardware store part without even having to call a plumber. As I happily put the lid back on the tank, I dropped the lid, which broke the tank, spilling water everywhere. Now I need a new toilet, a new floor, and I have to call the plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 189

You deserved it 2 616

Chub rub

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 19:59 - United States - Malvern

Today, I was pooping in a public toilet and a kid had walked in on me. I then heard him tell his dad, "It's okay, I didn't see anything, he was fat so his chubby legs hid it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 201

Drunk twats in the toilet alert

By PublicToiletEspionage - 21/05/2009 10:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 786

You deserved it 4 265

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 293

That's rank

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 06:01 - Germany - Emden

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 109

Happy dance

By Anonymous - 27/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, at work, I was on the toilet for so long the motion lights turned off. I stood up, pants around my ankles and began waving my arms above the stall to get them to turn on again. At that exact moment, my boss walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 160

Shy bowels

By Dragoness11 - 27/03/2014 14:12 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 150

You deserved it 9 665

Hey guys, check this out

By Sonic - 15/01/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 455

You deserved it 30 949

Dude! Boundaries!

By devinbyrne - 05/03/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 792

You deserved it 3 767

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Sara Harms - 24/10/2021 14:00

Today, as the kind person that I am, I let my friend use the washroom before me while I watched our shopping cart. I then found out that the stores closes the washroom at 5 pm, and since I didn’t know, I ended up walking 25 minutes to a gas station in the rain to use one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 143

Mystery unwanted gift

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 23:59 - Australia - Bendigo

Today, I came back from school camp and really had to go to the toilet. I ran to the nearest one, which was by the principal's office. After I finished, I tried to flush the button. Turns out the water was turned off so it wouldn't flush. I bolted. The principal is now stuck with my unwanted present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 192

Classic rookie mistake

By Mason - 31/12/2021 10:59 - United States - Boise

Today, I got new AirPods. As I was sitting on the toilet, they fell out of my hoodie pocket into the toilet while it was flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 980

Don't get too comfortable working from home

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 06:00 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, just make sure to mute your mic in a meeting before doing anything… anything like flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 045

Concentrate

By um…ew - 14/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my friend and I were having a conversation in the ladies’ room. Suddenly, we hear banging from one of the stalls and, “Can you talk somewhere else? Some of us are trying to poop.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 960

HELP!

By Anonymous - 23/01/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in the disabled toilet. When no one responded to knocking and shouting, I pulled the red cord. It still took a member of staff over half an hour to respond because he’d never heard that alarm before, and had to ring his manager to ask what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 136

Big lad

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 20:01

Today, I admit I’m a bit of a big lad, but I never knew how big until I was desperate for a shit so I sat on, and broke, a toilet, flooding the bathroom, at my girlfriend's parents house, the very first time I met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 252

Hello there!

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 295

You deserved it 27 762

Nice to know

By justin bieber's nutsack - 06/06/2015 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 281

You deserved it 2 811

Cheapskate

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 551

You deserved it 3 417

Infrastructure

By Anonymous - 14/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was using a public toilet stall when the lock gave way, and the door swung open halfway. I froze, and the person who was washing his hands at the sinks looked at me in the mirror and awkwardly said, “I see you.” I muttered, “I’m sorry,” as he walked out looking like he'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 104

Always check before

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 14:00

Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 716

You deserved it 961

Once you pop…

By Anonymous - 11/06/2022 00:00

Today, while I was trying to put on my deodorant, the whole stick popped out when I took the cap off, narrowly missing my face, into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 107

Morning conversation

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went into the bathroom only to discover my dad on the pot. “Oh, sorry”, I say and turn to leave. His reply, “Oh I don’t mind. Just having a shit here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 203

On the can

By Mortified - 31/03/2020 14:00

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 201

Stinky and gross

By Anonymous - 09/06/2024 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was at a crowded restaurant and rushed to the bathroom. In my haste, I didn't notice I had walked into the men's room until I was washing my hands and a guy walked in, gave me a puzzled look, and said, "You're brave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 381

Bathroom break

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 22:00

Today, a guy on Tinder matched with me. I reached for my phone so fast, I slipped and broke my nose against the toilet, then when I tried to use the bowl as support to stand up, my hand slipped and I slammed my broken nose right back onto the toilet. Don’t think Mr Tinder is seeing me tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 426

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Mental health Delivery Awkward Health Sports Anger issues Kids Parenting LGBTQIA+ Love Weird Embarrassing Money Coffee Toilet Poopoo peepee Work Relatable Transportation Airport Airplanes Cars Drunk Alcohol Gross Music Annoying Intimacy NSFW

The Top

Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 570

You deserved it 38 174

Today, my best friend thought the best time to tell me she was sleeping with my boyfriend was while we were acting in a play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 264

You deserved it 3 493

Today, my friend was telling me about her issues with her boyfriend, and I said, "Damn, that sounds just like a couple I know!" She asked me who, which is when I realised I was actually thinking about Davide and Ekin-Su on Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 847

Today, I found out my dad got Covid after spending the weekend at home. All my classes have me doing final projects, and my dorm's internet is a dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 140

Today, I realised that I'm addicted to a porn game… not because of the porn. The simple gameplay mechanic of combining objects on a board to make new objects makes my brain happy. I found myself feeling depressed at the thought that I'd have to wait 3 hours for my moves to recharge before I could play again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 394

Today, I once again listened as the girl I've loved for the past three years ranted about how she’s gonna be single forever and give up on dating. She asked, “Isn’t there one guy out there, just ONE GUY who will love me and cherish me?” When I brought up that I, once again, would love to do so, she rejected me; AGAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 612