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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    Scary

    Worst enemy

    By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

    Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 46 194
    You deserved it 8 229
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    Stealth mode

    By Slipperywhenwet - 28/02/2009 13:08 - United States

    Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 20 640
    You deserved it 48 184
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    Bath time [GONE WRONG][CREEPYPASTA]

    By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

    Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 40 319
    You deserved it 23 924
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    Keywords

    Embarrassing Clothes Awkward Work Family Kids Public freakouts Love Break-ups Addiction Scary Health Sex Pregnancy Intimacy Friends Miscellaneous Pranks Weird Music Bodyshaming Healthy Lifestyle Allergies Annoying Dogs Messy Animals Cute Moving home ACAB
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    Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 52 295
    You deserved it 19 015
    Today, I'm 58 years-old, and the 40 year-old woman I'm sleeping with is so tight that she "spits me out" every time she has an orgasm. I have to work it back in at least 5 times every time we get together. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 179
    You deserved it 521
    Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 5 048
    You deserved it 2 610
    Today, I went to the restaurant I recently got a job at, to take the introductory three hour training course. Afterwards, I was told I wasn't hired after all. Why? The girl I was replacing suddenly decided she didn't want to move away and quit after all. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 26 089
    You deserved it 1 744
    Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 25 645
    You deserved it 2 200
    Today, I was notified of card fraud. As I was on the phone with the fraud department to take out any cash I could, the ATM ate my card and shredded it. The chip in my other card stopped working last week. I'm in Sweden until December and I have no money until October 1st. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 12 651
    You deserved it 911
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