Relatable

Too awkward for love

By Anonymous - 31/01/2022 11:00 - Germany - Norden

Today, I realized I probably have more chances of finding intimacy and companionship working as an escort than by online dating, because if I get paid to spend time with someone, I’ll decide to just go with it and enjoy myself, but on an actual date I will most likely second-guess and self-sabotage all the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 421

Performance

By Anonymous - 14/03/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbours' favourite sexual position is apparently for him to screw her up against the wall while she talks dirty. How do I know this? That wall backs right onto the headboard of my bed, and in this rented space my bedroom is too small for the bed to go anywhere else. I know, I've tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 123

Odd reason, but OK

By firedsucks - 20/03/2021 17:01

Today I got fired from a very promising new job where I made three times my previous salary from my previous job. Why? Because of a personal belonging, my bumper sticker that says, "How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 2 437

Uprooted

By Anonymous - 19/05/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my parents said that we're moving back to Los Angeles. I'm so fucking pissed off because in the couple of years since we moved to a tiny town, I've become a different person and love my new life. This is just completely undoing everything I've been through and they won't let me move in with my new best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 94

Momma's gotta have it

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 04:00

Today, after giving birth, my wife was put on the sex ban until she heals. The thing is she has a high sex drive and is now horny, cranky, while also post surgery and also breastfeeding. I try to sexually satisfy her in other ways, but she's a nightmare to be with until we can have full sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 426

Earthquake

By Bolin - 17/05/2021 08:08

Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 134

Make an entrance, not a scene

By Anonymous - 14/03/2022 18:00

Today, I was a guest performer for a school orchestra concert a grade above mine. When they called my name, I didn’t hear them, so when they started the song hundreds of people watched me run on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 357

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 23:00 - Mexico - Lagos De Moreno

Today, I went out with two new friends. While we were talking, they said that their mother had called them to go home. Later on, I saw them in the main square, hanging out. I wasn't creepy or disrespectful, and I don't know why they did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 134

Foreplay

By Anonymous - 18/12/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 173

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By Invisible - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 296

You deserved it 5 862

Quandary

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 00:02 - Singapore

Today, after my boyfriend left me a few months ago, I'd accepted him back because I wanted to work things out. However, now the pain I had to go through is making me lose sleep, interest, and my self-respect. Ugh! FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 691

Welcome to the rest of your life

By no ohhhh - 14/05/2022 02:01

Today, I finally had sex after 3 long years. It lasted less than a minute, followed by 2 hours of talking about anime.. I'm in my 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 478

Dingus

By ghhhhhhh - 28/12/2021 08:01

Today, a side effect of my new medicine is uncontrollable itching. To “help”, my boyfriend gave me itching powder. When I got mad, he claimed he thought itching powder was used to combat itching. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 194

The indoctrination in the room

By Anonymous - 08/09/2023 20:00 - Philippines

Today, I'm a church girl. I grew up believing Christ is my savior and He still is, and I could not live peacefully without Him, but then I started falling in love with a girl, which is clearly written in the Bible to be wrong. I don't know what to do because all I ever want is to love this girl completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 496

I'm always right

By Anonymous - 15/01/2023 14:00

Today, my mom got mad at me. She told me that the neighbor was stupid for letting their kids play all over the street alone. I said it was fine, because the mom walked right next to the daughter as she played on her scooter. She argued, “Why do you always have to disagree with me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 134

Parents of the year

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 15:00

Today, I got to experience the rare pleasure of overhearing my divorcing parents admit that neither of them want full custody of me, or even shared custody, and then planning to guilt one of my grandparents into accepting custody instead. God I hate them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 105

Deluxe Memory Man

By St Steven - 15/04/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 1 275

Not helping

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 01:59

Today, I was talking to my professor and explained how depressed and stressed out I am. He called the police to my house because he thought that would help with my suicidal thoughts. My parents don't believe in mental health, and I want to die more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 149

Knackered

By kira - 19/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I have to go work for ten hours in a warehouse after getting no sleep at all. I get horrendously sick if I don’t sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 225

Double trouble

By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 18:00

Today, I had a nightmare in which my abuser came back into my life… but with gothy makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 99

Are you? Are you really?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 05:01

Today, a friend from our circle group told me that my behavior of responding to her stories with another related story of mine was annoying. I'm was sorry about that and decided to introspect and not show up in our group chat for a while. Then I realized I'm a toxic person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 525

Move on

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Puyallup

Today, it was my the last day of my time off work for my birthday weekend and I had so much fun, but I was thinking about my ex-fiancé for a lot of the time because I still haven’t gotten closure with that situation. All I wanna do is SCREAM because I just turned 30, got dumped and have to keep on going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 237

The betrayal!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2023 12:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years left me for the woman I had previously expressed concerns about. I wouldn't feel so bad if he hadn't dumped me and then got with her not even two hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 171

The '80s called

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 13:59

Today, I received three phone calls and three long and rather monotonous messages on my answering machine. Literally monotonous. As in, repeating the same tone over and over. The caller was a fax machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 103

Mystery text

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 15:59

Today, my son sent me a very frank text telling me my husband is no longer welcome at his house, because, “He knows what he did, if you want to know then ask him.” This isn’t going to be good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 158

Quality fabric

By louise - 06/03/2025 03:00 - Australia

Today, I wore a new shirt I was really pleased to have bought. As soon as I put it on, I noticed it was a bit tight, but I thought it would stretch out. By the end of the day, I looked like I was wearing a sausage casing. My coworkers couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 407

Plop!

By Anonymous - 31/10/2022 16:00

Today, I pissed out a kidney stone the size of a sweetcorn. Doesn’t sound big, but you just try pissing one out. My poor knob feels like it’s been attacked by rusty steel wool wrapped around a full-speed drill bit. I’m genuinely scared that the next time I piss will be full of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 158

Meritocracy is a myth

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 06:00

Today, I have worked my ass off this year on two projects, trying to prove myself and earn a raise. Well I proved myself capable all right, next year they’re giving me 5 projects to manage, and that raise, yeah, it’s no longer in the budget. Maybe next year… FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 161

Nice guy vibes

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 05:00 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, a girl I've been casually seeing just gave me the, "You're a great guy, but I'm not ready for a relationship" speech. A few hours later, I see a video in a group chat of her making out and laughing with another guy, while my other friends just watched and laughed. I'm just done trying, why am I always getting shit on? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 325

Follow your dream

By NoMoreIntellectualPursuit - 15/01/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, just to have a chance of a future career, I had to major in Data Science. Here's to 2.5 more years of soul-crushing tedium and passionless abstraction. If I had the resources to control my own life, I would have been a tradesman so I wouldn't have to sacrifice 4 years of my life on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 344

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The Top

Today, I found out my wife cheated on me with a guy from her work three times, two months before I proposed to her. She decided to tell me three months into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 832

You deserved it 2 668

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 512

You deserved it 4 215

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 443

You deserved it 74 733

Today, I've got two family members over to stay. So far, I have found a dirty Q-Tip, a nasty toe nail and had to clean up period blood from toilets, bin, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 158

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 171

Today, my manager told me point blank if my uncle weren’t a senior manager he’d fire me. My uncle isn’t a senior manager because I don’t have any uncles, just two aunts, but I’m terrified that if I tell my manager then he’ll fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 81