First Dates

Impressive double dating strategy

By NotMisspiggy - 19/01/2022 17:00

Today, I had a blind date. When I went to meet him, he shouted to my friend, “What the fuck dude? You didn’t tell me I’d be on a date with Miss Piggy! Fuck this shit!” and then stormed off. I haven’t had a date in 6 years and I bought the best outfit and got my hair done to make an impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 211

Slicy slicy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 987

Pizzagate

By Drama - 27/10/2024 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, after I'd decided to give online dating another shot and I matched with someone who seemed interesting, during our actual date our conversation quickly devolved into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I ended up blocking her after she sent me a thesis on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 494

By Anonymous - 12/05/2019 02:00

Today, after weeks of being hounded to go out on a date with this guy, I finally found the time and invited him over, fully intending to hook up. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 483

Connaisseur

By Anonymous - 06/01/2025 03:00 - Ireland

Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 769

Smooth Operator

By kingpig - 02/02/2012 18:00 - Sweden

Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 077

You deserved it 3 764

Small town

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took a date to a new restaurant I’d never been to before. Wish I had been because it turns out two of my ex-girlfriends work there as waitresses. Luckily they were amicable break-ups, but it was still hella awkward every time they brought stuff to the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 156

Belch monster

By gross - 23/05/2021 02:00

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 273

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 658

You deserved it 3 375

Pick me !

By Anonymous - 13/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I went on a date with a guy I’ve been wanting forever. Trying to impress him, I told him I like talking about sports and smart topics instead of talking about makeup and boys like other girls. He stared at me in confusion and asked, “What’s so bad about being like other girls?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 924

NEXT!

By Kristie - 03/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 185

First date going well

By johnfrank - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 490

You deserved it 36 106

By holyshitbatman - 09/11/2012 04:53 - United States - Toledo

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 955

You deserved it 3 032

Jah Rule

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 458

You deserved it 8 263

Clowned around, found out

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while on a first date, we ran into a street performer dressed as a clown. I have a phobia of clowns, so I froze in place for a solid 30 seconds before moving away as fast as I could. She spent the rest of the date looking at me oddly, then afterwards said we weren’t going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 219

Toxic waste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 12:00 - Europe

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 464

Profile pictures

By Anonymous - 21/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Macon

Today, I went on an online date. I'd spent a while getting ready and making sure I looked good. When I arrived at the café, I saw my date and approached with a smile. He stood up, looked me over, and said, "Oh, I thought you were your profile picture’s friend." Then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 272

Tipping culture wars

By Anonymous - 03/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, during a first date, we discovered we had complete opposite views on tipping. Neither of us wanted to back down, so we spent an hour debating economics instead of getting to know each other. At the end, the server thanked us for the entertainment and asked if we'd be coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 400

Nice guy

By Evaluna - 22/05/2026 00:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I learned that asking your Hinge date, “How tall do you wish you were?” lands you in the ER and will have you looking like Sloth from the Goonies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 329

A few hours later…

By Xandler - 18/07/2025 05:57 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman I had been talking to for a month. We hit it off, the date went fantastic, and we agreed to see each other again. Fast forward a few hours and I'm told she decided to pursue someone else, equates it to "bad timing", but wants to be friends. If not for bad luck, I'd have no luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 158

Xandler tells us more.

Xandler 8

Thursday 17 July 2025 17:44

OP here. First published FML! Woot! Backstory for anyone who cares. We met of PoF, we talked and got to know each other, like the FML said for about a month. The date was a spur of the moment thing as she said she was interested. So, we went out, we both had a fun time. I knew she was seeing someone else (they apparently had 2 dates), and I guess he asked her that night to be exclusive. As a little sidenote, by her admission she told me her relationships with men she has been with have been toxic. It's whatever now, I wished her the best and told her I'd be around if she needed to chat.

Joe Smooth

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 13:59 - United States - West Covina

Today, I went on a blind date. My date spent the whole time at the restaurant on his phone and didn't even try to show interest. Thankfully I'll never have to deal with this individual ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 152

Influencer in the wild

By Anonymous - 21/07/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with this girl who turned up with bags of Instagram camera equipment. She photographed everything, the drinks, food, and yet we barely said a word to each other. In the end, I paid my half and left. She didn’t notice I’d gone for at least 15 minutes before texting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 89

First and last date

By hairless by death - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 659

You deserved it 4 287

Weirdo geek freaks out

By katw - 10/03/2021 02:01

Today, I went on a first day with a guy. It went well up until he saw my phone, loudly declared that I was ‘gross’ for having an iPhone, and then stormed out. I’m on a family plan and if it were my choice, I would have got an Android. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 261

Pleased to meet you

By ANON - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Littleton

Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 198

You deserved it 9 007

Bad omen

By DefiantBaka - 21/05/2022 16:00 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I found out the man I have a date with next week is married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 124

First date, and probably the last

By DrunkGirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 781

You deserved it 63 411

Must've been a good joke

By HAIL SITHIS - 24/07/2015 18:54 - United States

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 220

You deserved it 3 282

Hyper self-awareness

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 23:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on a first date and everything was going great, until I realized I had garlic breath from the garlic bread I ate earlier. I tried covering it with a mouthful of wine, but it just made it worse. I ended up trying to avoid any closeness, and now I guess I'll just die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 488

BYOKA

By Anonymous - 06/06/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I’m so embarrassed I can barely believe it: I was out on a date and he asked the waitress to bring a pitcher of water and extra sugar packets. He took two Kool-Aid packets from his pocket and mixed it up right there at the table, proudly stating he didn’t need to pay for drinks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 96

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Public freakouts Music Scary Transportation Trains Miscellaneous Gross Birthday Family Awkward I need your advice Love Mental health Coworkers Work Relatable Social Media My ex Kids Scams Friends Weird TV shows First Dates AITA Cops Health Housework Homeowners Technology

The Top

The Top

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 835

You deserved it 11 031

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying, "I want my cat back." I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 538

You deserved it 2 301

Today, my girlfriend, whom I thought I would marry, broke up with me. She broke up with me because I don't believe the government controls the weather. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 230

Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 813

Today, my dad's girlfriend's adult son not only questions, but also mocks and spits on my poor choices in life. All because I got an ROG 9 Pro rather than an iPhone. He claims his iPhone 12 is far more superior, brandishing its features biblically while pointing out the flaws of mine like blasphemy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 100

Today, my husband has been sulking because he got the urge to play Runescape and discovered that his old account was hacked and he lost all his fake money and items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 354