Allergies

Call the cops!

By epipen life - 10/03/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 645

You deserved it 243

My body hates me

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Elizabeth City

Today, like many other days before, my allergies decided, "screw you, you're dealing with me year round, no allergy medicine will keep me away, and you're going to break out in sneezing fits at the worst possible moments, which includes while you're driving on the highway." Shocking that I haven't been in a wreck yet, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 120

Thanks you for your service

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I’ve been threatened with a lawsuit for refusing to treat a patient. I had to refuse her because she brought a huge hairy dog with her that she falsely claimed was her service animal. Not only am I deathly allergic to dogs, the damn thing shat in my waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 98

A living meme

By Neck - 15/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I learned that I'm not crazy and my neck is actually swollen, albeit due to seasonal allergies and not something very serious. I feel like the "Wide Neck Mugshot" guy, only much more lame. I can't describe how uncomfortable it is, other than it feels like something's trying to break out of there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 81

By leaftheerickson - 21/10/2012 10:31 - United States - Bohemia

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 970

You deserved it 1 620

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was there, I started to get really itchy. Turns out they have 5 cats. Guess what I'm allergic to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 118

Impressive

By Kris - 27/07/2024 12:00 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I tried to blow my girlfriend's vegan parents minds by cooking them a tofu stir-fry. Being allergic to tofu but wanting to prove my cooking skills, I wore gloves and avoided touching my face. Somehow, I still managed to get it in my eye, causing an allergic reaction that made my face swell up like a balloon. Now her parents think I'm some sort of Martian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 457

Living free

By WhatTheFuck - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Bridgeview

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 817

You deserved it 1 823

News to me

By verycherryfucked - 28/04/2013 22:10 - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 283

You deserved it 3 587

Considerate

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 16:00

Today, my roommate constantly heckles me for using too much water, but I’m super allergic to Gain laundry detergent and any softener, which she uses a ton of. She’s the reason why I have to run an extra load of laundry every week to clean out the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 107

By UnluckyJulie - 02/11/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 395

You deserved it 2 703

Biohazard

By Diane - 19/01/2025 12:00 - France - Paris

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He took me to a restaurant where I was allergic to practically everything on the menu. I sneezed five or six times within the first 15 minutes and spent the rest of the lunch awkwardly trying to explain I wasn't allergic to him, just the food and spices floating around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 155

Random

By cats before idiots - 25/04/2019 18:00

Today, I brought my boyfriend to my house for the first time. He freaked out when he saw my cat, and had to leave because he's allergic. I've posted many pictures of my cat in Instagram, but he didn't say anything about his allergy because he thought it was just a random cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 437

You deserved it 294

Goodbye

By dogs_and_toucans - 08/06/2009 18:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 10 months moved to Europe and we may never see each other again, so I gave her a $200 sterling silver heart necklace as a goodbye present. She gave me a pack of gum. Cinnamon, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 742

You deserved it 6 816

Spoilsport

By fuck it - 31/05/2023 15:00

Today, my coworkers are giving me the cold shoulder since the idea of having “office dogs” or allowing employees to bring their dogs to work with them was shot down due to my severe allergies. I shouldn’t be forced to take meds unnecessarily just to be able to come do my job. They don’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 352

Extreme reaction

By KCS - 04/03/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I discovered I'm allergic to the new perfume I bought and now I smell like a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 151

Bad day

By it hurts!! - 29/05/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 169

Bee plot

By rrr - 15/08/2011 15:55 - Canada

Today, I started my job as an assistant to a beekeeper. I forgot to put gloves on, and got stung like crazy. My hands swelled up to the size of baseball gloves. Turns out, I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 696

You deserved it 37 805

Side effects

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 18:59 - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I sneezed so hard, I farted. During my vaccine appointment. I hate hayfever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 152

Waterworks

By Anonymous - 18/01/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I took an allergy skin test and turns out I’m allergic to dogs. Three weeks ago, I adopted a new puppy to help with my depression, but within a few days I was coughing, sneezing, and having watery eyes. I’ve previously had a dog for 10 years and I was never allergic to it. I don’t wanna give the new one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 066

You deserved it 358

Self report

By sore tongue - 01/07/2023 06:00

Today, despite knowing full well that I am allergic to citric acid, I bought and ate candy that is essentially just powdered and flavoured citric acid. Now my tongue is too swollen and painful to eat. I’m a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 1 342

First date going well

By johnfrank - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 486

You deserved it 36 100

The more you know

By Donald Boyd - 12/05/2025 06:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I went to a niece's birthday party and was very careful with what food I ate, as I have gluten and garlic sensitivity. I left the party with numb lips, so I guess I have a new sensitivity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 81

Stressed out

By BK2017 - 29/01/2017 22:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 236

You deserved it 670

I know her so well

By Anonymous - 20/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Detroit

Today, I spent a good deal of my afternoon preparing a nice dinner for my girlfriend. When I finally served the meal, I proudly presented her with a beautifully arranged plate of salmon. She looked at it and said, “You know I’m allergic to fish, right?” We had cereal for dinner instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 757

The blob

By Dodged a bullet - 25/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, after several days of deep-cleaning my house, I found a huge section of my room covered in black mold. I almost puked when I saw it. Not only could that have put anyone in the hospital, but it also explains why I've been getting sick all the time as of late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 230

My kids would never lie

By au. - 06/01/2022 05:01

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting had a severe peanut allergy, and he looked me dead in the eye as he ate a peanut bar before I could stop him. His sister swore up and down that I made him eat it. Guess who the parents believed, even after I rushed him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 123

By Anna - 28/03/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 752

You deserved it 4 669

Heartbreaking

By Anonymous - 06/11/2022 04:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I learned that I'm highly allergic to onions. I love onions and they're in literally *everything*. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 153

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Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door. A clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was OK. I have to go back next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 030

You deserved it 8 543

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 712

You deserved it 2 833

Today, I thought it would be fun to drive into a stack of some empty cardboard boxes on my street. They weren't empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 124

You deserved it 57 497

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I'd trusted that he and his ex were “co-parenting” a dog that he and his ex adopted while they were together and nothing more was happening. His ex is pregnant and he’s the father. He insists that he doesn’t love her anymore and it was a “mistake.” He wants me to take him back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 105

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 597

You deserved it 47 241

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 418