All the FMLs

Didn't have an account at the type of posting this, but uh hey OP here. My pupper is about 7 years old, and hasn't really done anything close to this before; sure she has growled if you get near her bone, but this was quite a surprise. After she bit me she was a bit grumpy the rest of the day, but seems to be fine now so I'm not sure what caused her to assault me while I slept. To anyone concerned about the bite it's pretty much healed up, can only see a scratch or two left behind on my cheek.

By qld - 20/12/2016 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got sunburnt to a crisp on the first day of my holidays away. Only 5 more days to go now, spent inside, trying not to burn more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 258

You deserved it 3 591

By Meetingman - 20/12/2016 08:36

Today, our company did a photo-session for the website. The photographer was limping, and I immediately asked what's wrong with him. Then I noticed he was on a prosthetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 453

You deserved it 2 538

By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 07:28

Today, someone flirted with me. They kept touching me, insisting we should go out sometime, and hounding me for my number. At a family-only memorial service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 825

You deserved it 542

By ClumsyBarista - 20/12/2016 05:04 - United States - Springfield

Today, while serving a line of ten customers by myself at the coffee shop I work at, I knocked over a cup of steaming hot milk and it went all over the coffee bar, espresso machine, floor, and myself. I then had to act like everything was fine and make a line of drinks with milk everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 998

You deserved it 1 064

By ccat209 - 20/12/2016 04:05 - United States - Riverton

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 681

You deserved it 9 074

By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 04:02 - United States - Bend

Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters to use the machine in the women's bathroom, it dispensed a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 375

You deserved it 767

Good one, dude

By poop hands - 20/12/2016 03:50 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 006

You deserved it 5 077

By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 600

You deserved it 796

By Me - 20/12/2016 01:40 - United States - Canyon Lake

Today, while reading out loud in front of my entire class and teacher, I learned that I can't pronounce the word 'success'. It came out as 'sex', and when I tried to correct myself more slowly (multiple times), it came out 'sexsex'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 957

You deserved it 1 220

Help yourself

By meghandix89 - 20/12/2016 01:35 - United States

Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 875

You deserved it 758

By Kpotassium - 19/12/2016 21:58 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I noticed that my two cats have been urinating on my Christmas tree skirt more frequently than in their litter box. I've tried to get them to stop, but I don't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 125

You deserved it 1 081

By nixwolfwood - 19/12/2016 21:14

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 510

You deserved it 535

By WiseGuy0481 - 19/12/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend leaving a store. She used to ridicule me for not making much money, but I now have a good job and a BMW. Trying to show off, I cranked up the music and drove by. She looked up right as I hit a car backing out of its parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 578

You deserved it 11 356

WiseGuy0481 tells us more.

WiseGuy0481 3

Monday 26 December 2016 0:34

When we were together it was constant comments about how I was barely staying afloat and "how could I take care of her if I could barely take care of myself?". I was trying everything I could to make her happy but she would not let it go. It ended up being part of the reason we split. That was almost a year ago. I now work for a great company and make really good money. I just bought my car last month. I see her coming out of the store and all those talks came shooting back into my head. I just wanted her to see me happy and doing well....ok I wanted her to feel dumb and regret splitting up. Nevertheless I blared the music and slowly rolled right into a car backing out. Luckily it barely scratched it. I saw no regret in her eyes, laughter yes, regret no. So yes I deserved it. Karma sucks.