All the FMLs

I NEEDED THIS BREAK TO HEAL ME

By Forevor_a_potato - 26/04/2019 16:00

Today, I have to reschedule the vacation I had planned for eight months because I have the flu, and feel too sick to go and enjoy myself at a waterpark. This vacation is the only thing that's kept me sane these last two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 235

By Ms Yeins - 26/04/2019 14:00 - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 201

Time to relax

By Calimero - 26/04/2019 02:00

Today, I forked over a hefty sum to stay the night in a beautiful, luxurious hotel room, because back home I have a baby that doesn't sleep through the night yet. Never would I have imagined I would be staying directly next to the town nightclub. I'm still awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 1 244

Ahoy there!

By sanza666 - 26/04/2019 00:00

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 226

By DroppedTheSoap - 26/04/2019 04:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 338

Random

By cats before idiots - 25/04/2019 18:00

Today, I brought my boyfriend to my house for the first time. He freaked out when he saw my cat, and had to leave because he's allergic. I've posted many pictures of my cat in Instagram, but he didn't say anything about his allergy because he thought it was just a random cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 293

By Anonymous - 25/04/2019 16:00

Today, I got pulled over and ticketed while taking cookies to the local police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 811

By wookieewhosshe - 25/04/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my phone stopped charging. I panicked because I can't really afford to get it fixed, and it's too stressful a time at my last semester at university to not have a phone. I took it to the repair shop, and the man turned it off and on again. it works perfectly. I'm a total idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 1 873

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 487

By Anonymous - 25/04/2019 04:00

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 182

By JpL - 25/04/2019 02:00

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 2 268

Mixed feelings

By Spanner - 25/04/2019 00:00

Today, I realized why a female colleague keeps asking me if I'm high when I'm not. All I'm thinking when I see her is how glad I am to see her. Dilated pupils, flushed face, stupid grin on my face? I'm not high. I'm in love with her. She's married. Oh, and she wants to be my roommate for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 598

You deserved it 587

By JellicleCat - 24/04/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 525

You deserved it 357

By Snuffles - 24/04/2019 18:00

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 249

By goodlkjh - 24/04/2019 14:00 - South Africa

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to put a camera in my room so I could be watched at all times, to make sure I'm behaving. I'm 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 853

You deserved it 297

By Ihatemyjob - 24/04/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 194

By upset mom - 24/04/2019 04:00

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 6 364

By lk07 - 23/04/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 403

By TOOshort - 23/04/2019 16:00

Today, several of my apartment complex neighbors walked right by me as I struggled to clean the inches thick, icy snow off of my SUV. I’m 4’11. Not one person offered to assist me, even after I slipped and fell several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 2 329

By Poopamus - 23/04/2019 14:00

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 216

You deserved it 624

By Is McDonald's Hiring? - 23/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 510

You deserved it 183

By mus - 23/04/2019 04:00

Today, while walking to my bus stop, I saw a girl slip on black ice, then catch herself, and I laughed because people catching themselves slip are hilarious. I reach the same patch of black ice and go flying, falling on my hip and spilling my coffee all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 3 687

Stingy

By Will - 23/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my friends all think, "Don't worry about it" means "It's free." I'm a few thousand dollars in debt and they back each other like a gang. Never mind all the Aussies who say it means, "Pay slowly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 3 297

By MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 3 965

By kanmcdan - 22/04/2019 00:00

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a Snowshoeing date. I felt sick and suggested we turn back. He said I could wait in the car and continued on the date alone. He was gone for hours, while I was stuck alone in a national park with no cell reception, food, or water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 549

You deserved it 423

By jayscalaro - 21/04/2019 20:00

Today, it's raining pretty hard and there are a bunch of puddles everywhere. I’m in a full rain suit and great boots, so instead of walking around the puddles, I decided to walk through the biggest one, only to drop down 4 feet, all because the city didn’t cover up a massive manhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 480

You deserved it 1 015

By Leijabug - 21/04/2019 18:00

Today, my best friend and I decided to dye our hair blue. We didn’t mean to also dye the ceiling, walls, shower, or floor. We DEFINITELY didn’t mean to dye our faces the day before school pictures that cannot be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 3 162

Full house

By ugh. - 21/04/2019 07:00 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 240

You deserved it 280

Far out, man

By RyoKioKio - 21/04/2019 12:00

Today, after seeing my cat struggle to use the litterbox and produce nothing for two days, I caved and took him to the emergency vet, fearing a UTI. It wasn't. $200 and 2 Lyft rides later, he's stoned out of his mind and peeing just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 365

By LovelySB - 21/04/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 730

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 706

You deserved it 10 185

Today, my country’s health minister said on TV, "Stay home! Don’t travel, don’t meet people!" The same evening, he drove to another state to have dinner with a group of people who gave money to his political party. He had taken a COVID test before. It came back positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 145

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 668

You deserved it 2 313

Today, it's my third day of gastroenteritis that’s wreaked havoc on my young family for a full week. More vomit and poo than I care to admit. Coming up to the two year anniversary of my brother taking his own life, just before Xmas. People say it’s a happy time of year. Not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 116

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 132

Today, my family got mad at me for eloping and not inviting them to my wedding. Even though they admitted they wouldn't have gone anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 563

You deserved it 1 956