All the FMLs

Fresh start

By LifeInShambles - 10/05/2019 10:00

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 550

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 656

I want what I want

By cydia123 - 10/05/2019 06:00

Today, my boss threatened to fire me. Why? An old lady spent 30 minutes looking at our menu before asking for "cottage pie." After telling her that it wasn't an item on the menu, she spent another 20 minutes deciding. She then asked for several more items we didn't have, then complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 424

You deserved it 119

Dogs rule

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 343

Keeping up

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 441

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 20:00

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 129

The Fall

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 18:00

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 217

By SwaggyP - 09/05/2019 16:00

Today, we got the IQ test results back, which show our daughter is on the high end of the genius scale. This confirms what my wife and I have long feared: our 6-year-old is FAR smarter than we are. No wonder she wins all the arguments we have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 580

By haters - 09/05/2019 12:00

Today, while in a meeting for work, my boss expressed how much he likes everyone at our site. But before continuing, he looked at me and said, “Everyone but you, that is.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 268

By TragicallyAnxious - 09/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 2 523

Butterfingers

By heeeeeyitsbrittney - 09/05/2019 08:00

Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 364

Blasted

By Fauna - 09/05/2019 04:00

Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 08/05/2019 23:00

Today, my husband argued that it's not cheating if he's using his brother's Facebook account to talk to other women, because they think it's him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 117

You deserved it 161

Wasted time

By erdot - 08/05/2019 21:00 - Romania - Bucuresti

Today, after 7 years of writing my PhD thesis, I found a book containing all the exact findings I've spent arduous hours, nay, years discovering. My tutoring professor somehow forgot to mention I was discovering sealing wax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 705

By Jojo - 08/05/2019 16:00

Today, after months of planning, my boyfriend told me he's changed his mind and doesn’t want to move with me to where I got a job. Why? He doesn’t want to live that far away from his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 912

You deserved it 284

By Mina - 08/05/2019 14:00

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophically bad report card. When I asked him for an explanation, he replied, "I'm hesitating between 'family environment' and 'heredity'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 334

By Mintspice - 08/05/2019 12:00

Today, a girl I've liked for months agreed to go to a movie. We were going to see Captain Marvel, but missed the show time, so we saw Five Feet Apart. Blessing in disguise, right? Wrong. She cried while holding my hand as she talked about how in love she is with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 218

By Ages ago - 08/05/2019 10:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 251

By Ticketshame - 08/05/2019 08:00

Today, I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I'd lost my phone the day before. He didn’t believe me. So, I got a ticket for talking on a phone I can’t even find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 154

My pleasure, lady

By Semius - 08/05/2019 05:00

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 149

You deserved it 169

Crime scene

By veethebee - 08/05/2019 01:00

Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 146

You're not alone

By seachelle - 07/05/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing posted on social media about having relationship problems and arguments with his girl. I've been in the hospital for surgery for the past few days and have been unable to talk to him. Before this, he told me I was the only one. Guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 138

By Grant Williams - 07/05/2019 17:37

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 824

By Zoo - 07/05/2019 14:00

Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 282

Are men OK?

By wtf bro?! - 07/05/2019 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook message from a guy from my old school. I didn’t remember him, but I replied anyway. When I checked my phone after work, I had 73 new messages that went from, “How have you been?” to, “Fuck you ugly cockteasing whore,” and ended with, “You better hope I don’t catch you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 193

Keeper

By Loopy - 07/05/2019 06:00 - Belgium

Today, I had to buy more supplies for the cat my friend asked me to pet sit for 2 weeks. Her 2-week vacation ended over 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 484

That's the rule

By whatdidido - 06/05/2019 18:05 - United States - Conover

Today, I was messaging a girl on a dating app. Things were going well so I thought I'd ask her to meet. She had listed hiking as an interest 3 times on her profile so I suggested we meet at a state park. She told me she doesn't hike on a first meet and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 726

By NotYourCopyEditor - 06/05/2019 22:00

Today, at work, I had to explain to a 50-year-old engineer that Comic Sans is not an acceptable font for a government contractor to use in a structural report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 898

You deserved it 188

Roommates from Hell

By Snoodist - 06/05/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 124

You deserved it 158

Could go either way, really

By Idon'thave£12000 - 06/05/2019 16:00

Today, I received a full scholarship to the university of my dreams in England. Being born into a fairly poor family, I've never received anything for free and I worked on my grades like a dog last semester to achieve this. However, the scholarship is only valid if the UK stays in the EU. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 601

You deserved it 215

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 170

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 886

You deserved it 7 098

Today, I saw the guy I haven’t heard from in a couple of days posting on Instagram. I texted him, “So you can post on social media but can’t text me back?” He replied with a link to a book on Amazon titled “He’s Just Not That Into You: Your Daily Wakeup Call” and said: “Read this and get the hint.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 713

Today, when asked confirm my login details via text or automated phone call, I chose the phone call to pretend that someone actually cared enough to call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 223

Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 173

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 071

You deserved it 4 478