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    : 320



    None of my business

    Anonymous - 31/01/2025 19:00

    Today, we witnessed a car hit a cyclist. My husband didn’t stop walking, even when I told him we should help. He said, “Why? Do we know him?” He then refused to help because getting involved and doing something wrong would risk us being sued instead of the driver. FML
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    Crying

    The poor bees - 02/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Richmond

    Today, I went to a gathering at a friend's place. He had a bottle of "mead", which I tried and loved. Only after drinking two glasses did I learn that "mead" is made from honey. Eight years of dedicated veganism down the drain. FML
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    What is wrong with me?

    Anonymous - 04/02/2025 02:00 - United States

    Today, after I randomly started having mild stomach rumbling in the mornings, I went to the hospital and the doctor simply told me that I had to eat more, I took his advice but it didn't work. Now I’m 6 hospital visits down the line and my stomach is so loud the sounds made could fill a hall. FML
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    You gotta fight, for your right…

    PinkPonyGirl - 05/02/2025 21:00 - United States

    Today, I posted a status how women deserve the right to be sexually liberated and that modesty is unnecessary. Some dick felt the need to comment, “Have you looked in the mirror? In your case modesty would be an act of mercy.” Another commented, “Yeah bro, I bet they’d pay her to keep her clothes on in strip clubs.” FML
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    Karen in seat 14A

    Dammit - 16/02/2025 20:00 - Australia

    Today, I was on a long-haul flight, desperately trying to sleep. My husband next to me started snoring so loudly, I swear he was vibrating the seat. In a dazed, half-asleep state, I leaned over and hissed, “Shut up!” It wasn’t him. It was the guy next to him. He woke up and looked at me like I was the problem. FML
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    Recycled

    Anonymous - 20/02/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, my wife told me to my face that I’m the reason climate change is killing babies. All I did was throw a snotty hankie in the bin instead of composting it to be used in her vegetable patch. FML
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    Bike lock from Wish dot com

    Polly Molly - 03/03/2025 02:00 - Russia - Tula

    Today, I rode my brand new shiny bicycle to work for the first time. I didn’t have time to figure out how my new lock worked, so I changed the 0000 code to some combination just to find it locked as I came back. After watching a tutorial and trying for 30 minutes, I just cracked it with pliers. FML
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    Hang in there, man

    FuhhTynderMaye - 04/03/2025 14:00 - United States

    Today, I found out I got HIV. I’ve used condoms with all my Tinder hookups and never shared needles or anything with anyone. I was supposed to have a Tinder date tonight. Guess I’ll just be single forever then. FML
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    Knackered

    I'mtoooldforthis - 08/03/2025 02:00 - United States

    Today, my toddler is sick yet again. The only way he will sleep is me walking with him. It's 2:30 am, and I'm supposed to start back to full time employment in… 5 hours. Parenthood is not for the weak. FML
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    Unlovable

    Anonymous - 18/03/2025 23:00

    Today, I told my family that I have a girlfriend, and showed them her Facebook. They immediately started taking bets on when I’d mess it up, when she’d dump me, whether she actually existed, if I’d just made a fake Facebook, or whether she was a pro I hired. I hate my siblings. FML
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    Streaker alert!

    Anonymous - 22/03/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

    Today, I was walking through a park when I saw someone running toward me. I thought he was jogging but quickly realized he was wearing nothing other than a grin. As he passed me, he yelled, “I’m freeeee!” I’m still trying to figure out why that was the moment I decided to take a sip of my coffee, because the shock made it come out of my nostrils. FML
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    Wreckless

    Worthless woman - 24/03/2025 17:00 - Japan - Tokyo

    Today, I came home from a work trip, expecting the house to be a wreck. Imagine my shock when I walked in and it was cleaner than I've ever seen. When I sputtered in surprise, my fiance shrugged and said, "I work better alone." Guess I'm just a fucking hindrance, then. FML
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    Coated in embarrassment

    Kate - 26/03/2025 03:00 - Canada - Vancouver

    Today, I ran to hug my mom at the airport, but when I stepped back, I realized I was hugging a total stranger who just so happened to be wearing the same coat as her usual coat. She smiled awkwardly as I backed away and said, “Sorry, I thought you were my mom.” The next level of embarrassment came when I looked up and saw my actual mom staring at me in horror from a few feet away. FML
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    Hero complex

    Anonymous - 27/03/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

    Today, I was walking through a Tesco's car park when I saw a shopping trolley slowly rolling towards me. I figured I’d be a hero and stop it before it hit a car. As I grabbed it, I slipped on a patch of ice and crashed straight into the cart, sending right it into the car I was trying to protect, denting the door. FML
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    Gimme a break

    Respect the handyman - 01/04/2025 20:00 - United States

    Today, after days of my wife nagging me, I started working on the flat pack furniture she ordered. Every twenty minutes, she interrupted me to demand I stop and help her with something trivial and irrelevant. Now I remember why I postpone projects as long as possible. FML
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    Curb your curb

    Anonymous - 07/04/2025 09:00 - United States - Boulder

    Today, on my way out of a coffee shop, I tripped over a curb while holding a full cup of coffee. The coffee flew in slow motion, hitting a stranger right in the face. As I stood there, frozen, I realized the puddle of coffee was now surrounding both of us. All I could do was apologize while trying to avoid a public fistfight. FML
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    Many such cases

    Anonymous - 10/04/2025 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

    Today, I was in a meeting at work, trying to keep my composure. I quietly shifted in my chair and accidentally let out a fart. It echoed in the conference room, and everyone stared at me in stunned silence. My boss sarcastically said, “Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.” FML
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    Nervous introvert of the day

    Anonymous - 18/04/2025 03:00 - Pakistan - Karachi

    Today, it was a bad day. I had a crush on a classmate, but he switched schools a month ago. We started to develop a good relationship when it happened, and he came to our party on Friday, we even had a good conversation. But he visited school today, and I ignored him. I should've waved hi, but I didn't because I was busy. FML
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    Third wheel

    Anonymous - 19/04/2025 14:00 - United States - New York

    Today, I spent a lot of effort making sure my roommate had a good birthday. We've hooked up in the past, and a mutual friend of ours is staying the night. Also someone I've made out with before. We were hanging out and the vibes were good, but when I initiated a cuddle puddle, they declined. Now they are hooking up without me. FML
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    Rise and shine (again)

    Tired - 21/04/2025 08:00 - United States

    Today, my anxiety-ridden body decided that a good time to have a random panic attack for no reason at all would be when I was trying to go to sleep. Guess I'll stay awake, then. FML
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    False advertising

    Anonymous - 25/04/2025 03:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

    Today, after I bought what were labeled as “8 Pink Tulips” and planting the bulbs, they turned out to be 6 whites and 2 reds. Well, I guess if you’re talking mathematical average, that counts as pink. FML
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    Crunchy

    Anonymous - 26/04/2025 22:00 - United States - Benson

    Today, I was running late for work, so I grabbed a cheap sandwich from a gas station. As I rushed to take a bite, I bit into something unexpectedly hard. I thought it was a tough bit of bacon, or some sort of nut, but realized it was a small plastic fork that had been helpfully hidden inside my sandwich. I'd already swallowed half of it. FML
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    Scary Auntie

    Trish - 30/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Las Vegas

    Today, I tried to bond with my baby nephew by making funny faces at him. He stared at me like I was the most confusing creature he had ever seen, then burst into tears so loud it scared the dog. FML
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    Welcome to the machine

    Anonymous - 03/05/2025 17:00 - United States

    Today, I overheard the interviewer discussing my appearance with his colleague. I’ll admit my shirt didn’t exactly fit and my shoes were in bad shape, but I’m so broke that this is all I could afford at the thrift store. I’d have better clothes if my getting a job didn’t require me having nice clothes. FML
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    Ungrateful

    Anonymous - 09/05/2025 09:00 - United States

    Today, I bought my dog a fancy bed shaped like a giant donut. He sniffed it, then crawled into the box it came in and fell asleep. He’s been snoring there for four hours now. FML
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    New trousers day

    Jill - 11/05/2025 03:00 - United States

    Today, I picked out the perfect combination of clothes, making sure everything matched, before heading off to work. As soon as I walked into the office, my coworker asked, “Why are you wearing pajamas?” I had no idea that my "stylish" new pants were actually a pair of super baggy pajama bottoms. FML
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    Like a dog

    Anonymous - 12/05/2025 22:00 - United States

    Today, I started a new workout routine to get fit. After watching a bunch of online videos, I thought I could jump right in. I overdid it on squats and now can’t sit down without grunting like a wounded animal. I’m now having to climb stairs on all fours. FML
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    Dial back the passion

    David - 16/05/2025 15:00 - United States - Las Vegas

    Today, during a job interview on Zoom, I tried to sound passionate and said, “I eat marketing for breakfast.” The interviewer then asked what I have for lunch. I panicked and said, “Analytics… and sometimes interns.” I haven’t heard back yet. FML
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    How bizarre…

    Jenn03 - 21/05/2025 18:00 - United States

    Today, my boyfriend, best friend, and another friend went out in my boyfriend’s new car. I was connecting my phone to his Bluetooth so we could play music. I saw my best friend’s phone in the list. He bought the car two days ago. Their avoidant reactions and my boyfriend trying to change the subject said it all. FML
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    Sexy moves

    Anonymous - 23/05/2025 19:00

    Today, my boyfriend tried to pull down my panties with his teeth but it proved more difficult than he thought, so he got a real good mouthful and gave it a really hard pull. They did come down, but he also pulled out what felt like half my pubes. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML
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    Today, my boyfriend noticed dark lines that look like scars on my inner thighs. He confronted me about them, thinking I was cutting myself, and now wants me to see a therapist because he thinks I'm suicidal. They're stretch marks. He won't believe me. FML
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    Today, I under-read the gas meter in an attempt to get a lower bill. Too bad it was the move-in read, meaning the starting point was way behind, causing a much higher bill. FML
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    Today, I broke into tears at work after being told my aunt had a stroke. My boss told me to "suck it up, no one is that close to their aunt." My aunt adopted me when my mother passed away. FML
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    Today, while brushing my teeth before a date, I sneezed so hard that toothpaste flew all over my clean shirt. I was already running late, so I panicked and tried to wipe it off with water. It left huge wet spots. I showed up looking like I had just lost a fight with a giant toothbrush. FML
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    Today, I gave my son a job as a shelf stacker in one of my stores. He is in his thirties and is so dumb that he has been fired from every other job for incompetence. I don’t want him to starve or lose his flat, but I also couldn’t give him an important job in case he screwed it up. FML
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