Kids: Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked...

By ohcrap - 02/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 496

You deserved it 16 141

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Same thing different taste

By kewtness_17 - 01/10/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 571

You deserved it 12 185

By Anonymous - 22/03/2017 17:00 - United States - Troy

Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 375

You deserved it 1 694

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 878

You deserved it 19 309

By no - 17/11/2014 02:26 - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 648

You deserved it 4 007

By anonymous - 26/01/2013 08:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 221

You deserved it 5 655

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 327

You deserved it 7 539

By f_n_fail - 06/12/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 206

You deserved it 730

Unfortunate coincidences

By FBI1236 - 07/07/2019 20:00 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 692

You deserved it 230

Dat ass

By brandonborgie - 10/08/2021 04:01 - Australia

Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 23:33 - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 202

You deserved it 6 048

StopDropNRoll 11

Tuesday 2 August 2011 11:56

Sounds like a great conversation starter!

iknowimawesome 13

Tuesday 2 August 2011 12:06

"He did the same to me."- OP's wife.

Comments

monagro 22

Tuesday 2 August 2011 14:44

Just don't spank your children. PS to the person saying the world was a better place when people still spanked their kids, I wonder when you mean. In terms of longevity, happiness, absence of wars, the balance between being protected by the state but still being free (as in you are not free to attack someone else, as the state has to protect him/her too, but you are free to disagree with anyone/choose your job/etc) I cannot think of a better time in the past.

ReynshineCutting 10

Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:38

I can think of plenty of times that were better. Crime is way higher now than it's ever been, kids and teenagers have no respect for anyone, too many people don't have any work ethic and expect handouts, morals are pretty much gone... You look at how things were back in the 1950's and I would much rather have lived back then. I'm scared to bring a child into this world as ****** up as it is now.

simplylost643 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 19:48

Really #90. People are living longer because of previous generations effort and hard work in the medical fields. As for happiness, consumer confidence, a damn good indicater of peoples satisfaction, is in the toilet. Lack of wars? What the heck are we doing in Iraq right now? How about the insistant climb of "drug wars"? We have a "war" on everything nowadays. War on cancer, war on autism, war on obesity. In the past, they didn't declare a war on shit, they damn well just went and fixed it. Freedom of speech only works if you got the power to back it up. Try telling an officer who pulls you over for speeding that he's full of crap and can kiss your ass. See how much freedom you got then. Freedom to choose your job? Not really sure how that's changed. Outside of slavery, people have always had a choice of profession. Nobody told my great, great, great grandfather he couldn't be a scientist cause he was born poor. You "cannot think of a better time in the past", but I hope like hell our future brings it back around again. Peace.