Your everyday life stories

Anonymous - 10/04/2016 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a friend of mine informed me that his sister used to give him regular handjobs. When he saw the disturbed look on my face he said, "it was platonic and not sexual at all". FML

Anonymous - 10/04/2016 07:30 - United States - Cumming

Today,I decided to pull the old plastic wrap under the toilet seat trick on my roommate,since we've been at a bit of a prank war. Little did I know that he had chronic diarrhea,and needed to go badly. It's everywhere.FML

Anonymous - 10/04/2016 06:56 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my drunk roommate and his girlfriend barged into my room already heated and all into each others faces. They proceeded to have sex on my bed. I was forced to jump out of the window to escape the awkward situation. I now have a twisted ankle and no keys to get back in. FML

Anonymous - 10/04/2016 06:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today my wife's sister tore off her shirt and bra right in front of me because she heard my wife comeing down the hallway. My wife then accused me of trying to cheat on her. I told that I didn't know why she did that. When my wife walked away angry her sister just laughed and said "that was fun" FML

? - 10/04/2016 06:50 - Israel

Today, after my wife decided I eat too many sweets, she moved all of the chocolate in our house to our daughters bedroom for protection. Now, whenever my daughter binges she blames it on me. FML

Anonymous - 10/04/2016 06:48 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, my favourite pet chicken was killed by my parents dog. To make me feel better, they offered to take me out for dinner as their apology. They took me to KFC. FML

Wheremymoney - 10/04/2016 06:40 - United States - Riverside

Today, I was out with friends at a restaurant. I had to leave early so we paid in cash and left. Later I was called and told one of my friends had to pay them again because they couldn't find my money and wouldn't let her leave. FML

anonnnn - 10/04/2016 06:23 - United States - Rosanky

Today, while casually munching down on some Chex Mix, I bit down really hard on a stale pretzel, then I realized that it was actually my tongue ring and now my tooth is broken and I have to pay extra because, according to my dentist, my teeth were ugly anyway. FML

LiSwtSLaS - 10/04/2016 05:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today I got ready for a ten hour drive pulling a friends moving trailer, we made it about four minutes through town before a tire gave out. This is going to be the longest trip of my life. FML

lefir1 - 10/04/2016 05:49 - United States - Olympia

Today, I searched the house for the strange sound that suddenly came about only to trace it to my husband who was lint rolling his balls. FML

anonymous - 10/04/2016 05:45 - United States - Aspers

Today, I felt so tired at work that I started napping in the back on top of the tablecloths. Then, I woke up freaked out and ran around the restaurant trying to fix my lack of service, but it was too late. Finally, I woke up from my dream in my bed. I guess these 80 hour weeks are getting to me. FML

RandKP - 10/04/2016 05:44 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I work overnight at a hotel front desk. I asked a party to turn it down due to noise complaints. The client preceded to yell, swear, and insult me. Why? Because my Manager couldn't be bothered to let the front desk know he had given them permission to "party on" all night. FML

anonymous - 10/04/2016 05:32 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I went to go use the bathroom during my lunch break. I left my sandwich on my desk and my co worker thought I forgot about it so she went into the bathroom and slid it under my stall. FML.

Anonymous - 10/04/2016 05:15 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after a long day of work, I took a shower, it wouldn't have been so bad if the shower head had not launched itself at me, FML.

Anonymous - 10/04/2016 05:08 - Canada

Today, I got my period. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML.

jovikid - 10/04/2016 04:59 - United States - Pompton Lakes

Today, my laziness reached a new low when i decided to not use my vibrator so i wouldn't have to get up and clean it after. FML

Allergy Kid - 10/04/2016 04:57 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out I have a new allergy. To strawberry-fig febreze. After heavily spraying it in every room of my apartment. It's 11:00 pm. FML

oh it hurts - 10/04/2016 04:52 - United States - Houston

Today, I was reading a flyer and waking down the stairs with my dog in my hand. I tripped & rolled my ankle. My dog is fine, but now every step hurts and I still have to walk back up the stairs. FML.

eagleriverjohn - 10/04/2016 04:23 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I wore new shoes on campus. About halfway to my first class, my heels began to hurt badly. I stop to take a look and turns out the shoes were cutting into my heels and causing them to bleed. I can't go home to change them and I still have a lot of walking to do. FML

dead laptop - 10/04/2016 03:54 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my mom mailed my brother's laptop to a repair shop along with my charger by mistake. I have a project saved on it that is mandatory to be presented on Monday. The laptop won't be coming back for a week. FML

anime77 - 10/04/2016 03:50 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was trying to pull my covers up in bed but my dog wouldn't move so I ended up accidentally punching myself in the eye. FML

alwaysaja - 10/04/2016 03:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my mom and I visited my grandmother in the hospital. My brother and his girlfriend, happened to be there too. My grandmother introduced my brother and his girlfriend as "my grandson and granddaughter" and introduced my mother and me as "my daughter and her daughter". FML

unicorn2312 - 10/04/2016 03:39 - United States - Excelsior

Today, when tongue deep in my girlfriend, my dad walks in says "damn lesbians are hot". Then proceeds to walk out. FML

PackardBell - 10/04/2016 03:24 - United States - Columbus

Today, we had to do an experiment in my chemistry class. We each took samples of our own saliva, and a machine would process the different materials inside. When I saw my results, it said I had semen in my saliva. Then, my professor gave me a speech about abstinence. In front of the whole class. FML

HylianBadger - 10/04/2016 03:22 - United States - Nashville

Today, I went to the bathroom at work. There was a strong shit smell left over from the person before me. As I was leaving another person walked inside, then turned and looked at me in disgust. I was innocent. Fml

FBG - 10/04/2016 03:03 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I spent the day at my girlfriend's grandparents house. After 9 hours I couldn't hold it in anymore & ran to the bathroom. In 3 minutes it was all out & my girlfriend text me to tell me there was no toilet paper left. All that's in here are white wash cloths, my shirt, & cotton swabs. FML.

buddy560 - 10/04/2016 02:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just branded V on my chest which is the first letter of my girlfriends name, oh wait... my Ex-girlfriends name, FML.

warmhandswarmheart - 10/04/2016 02:51 - United States - Ponte Vedra Beach

Today, I accidentally fell asleep on the couch with my boyfriend. Since my parents are quite strict, I quickly got up and went to my own bed. Turns out, my mom had already seen us. She woke my boyfriend, sat him up, and said, "You fell asleep with your hand on my daughter's crotch". FML.

Me - 10/04/2016 02:50 - United States - Kentwood

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her after sex, and she replied saying "I love you too Harry." Which is my best friends name.

thisisthestupid - 10/04/2016 02:45 - United States - Towson

Today, I caught my boyfriends friend taking pictures of me from across the room. When I confronted him he denied it. I could see them on his phone in his hand. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I found out my husband sent 3000 friend requests to random women on Facebook. He says it's no big deal and doesn't mean anything. FML

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Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

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Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

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Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

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Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked, "Are those your grandchildren?" I'm in my 40's. FML

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