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    : 320



    Ginge-y - 10/04/2016 21:11 - Canada - Longueuil

    Today, I realised that messily devouring an orange is the closest thing I've ever had to making out. I'm 21. FML
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    MrConfusion - 10/04/2016 21:08 - United States

    Today, I witnessed my brother getting intimate with my childhood stuffed animal plushie. I will never unsee this. FML
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    IceWrath - 10/04/2016 21:07 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

    Today, it is my birthday. I had to travel over 10 hours by car to my parents' house whilst dealing with a horrific case of diarrhoea and two very car sick dogs. My girlfriend and I had to pull over so many times it lengthened our journey by 4 hours. Happy birthday to me! FML.
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    okcrazyeight - 10/04/2016 21:02 - United States - Watertown

    Today, I went in a date with a guy I work with. I was wearing a white romper and we went for a nice picnic. Little did I know I got my period, and I stood up my date uncomfortably notified me. FML
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    plasteredgore - 10/04/2016 20:58 - Canada - Lethbridge

    Today, My boyfriend was fingering me, he started going pretty fast which caused his fingers to slip and stab the inside of my vagina twice. Vaginal skin was under his nails, I bled a lot, then fainted. FML
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    imonly12 - 10/04/2016 20:31 - United States - Palmdale

    Today, I accidentally punched my sister in the face lightly. She responded by beating the shit out of me. FML
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    Pocket_Aces2552 - 10/04/2016 20:24 - United States - Salt Lake City

    Today, while locking up after work, I got scared by a small rat rustling through the leaves. I'm a 20 year old man, and supposed to be the tough manager of the restaraunt. FML
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    gingerlover01 - 10/04/2016 20:21 - United States

    Today, I stayed up til three in the morning with a girl I really care for, as she's talking about how no one could ever love her I tell her I do, her response, "I mean no one attractive!". FML
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    Anonymous - 10/04/2016 20:13 - United States - Dickson

    Today I called out from work saying I was sick. Honestly just over slept. My boss said bring a Dr note. So I go to doctor find out I have strep throat. FML
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    Anonymous - 10/04/2016 20:11 - United States - Reynoldsburg

    Today, I realized the reason I no longer have many friends or people to hang out with isn't because I slowly became an introvert like I believed, but because my parents lack of care about fighting in front of company and my dad's alcoholism led me to be afraid to invite people into my life. FML.
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    livin'thedream - 10/04/2016 19:56 - United States - Fulton

    Today, My fiance dumped me. She said we were living separate lives, both working 40hrs and school. We just got a puppy for Christmas. She was the one who wanted me back in school, which is anxiety central for me. No worries its her house so I just have to find a place to live during finals. FML
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    Anonymous - 10/04/2016 19:46 - Canada - Calgary

    Today, I was playing kickball in my school and when it was my turn, I kicked it as hard as I could and it hit my teachers head and I was so scared and embarrassed that I just went to the back of the line and hid there while people yelled at me to re-do my turn. FML
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    lemon water - 10/04/2016 19:45 - United States - Gilbert

    Today, I woke up extremely thirsty at 4 am. I grabbed what I thought was my new water bottle and pressed the button to open the lid. Something chemically lemon scented sprayed all over my face and in my mouth. It was pledge. FML
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    Liddell - 10/04/2016 19:37 - Canada - Toronto

    Today, while talking about BMI with my friends, I propose to search mine. Comfortable with my weight, I added that I didn't mind if it was on the "fat side". One of them then added, very awkwardly, "Oh, it's okay, it's not like you are suuuuper ugly". Thanks God I'm only "ugly". FML
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    ughnaked - 10/04/2016 19:19 - United States - Las Vegas

    Today, I woke up in a sudden start from a nightmare about work. I dreamt I saw my boss naked in bed. Now at work I am beet red in embarrassment and can hardly talk to him. FML
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    superstar - 10/04/2016 19:19 - United Kingdom

    Today, I played my first gig. afterwards a girl came over and said "I love...." I was thinking "she loves my music" in that split second I was overjoyed. Then she finished her sentence. Turns out she loved the bag of chips I was holding. rock and roll.... FML
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    almostadult - 10/04/2016 19:02 - United Kingdom - Alton

    Today, one of my roommates locked me out for a prank. He and another one of my roommates then had an argument over who should unlock the door, as the pranker didn't want to and my other roommate was busy. I was stuck outside in the cold for half an hour until they made their minds up. FML.
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    PhantomKitty - 10/04/2016 18:58 - United States

    Today, my mom asked me when my last period was. I'm not pregnant; my boyfriend and I have never even had sex. Apparently I'm just fat. FML
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    Anonymous - 10/04/2016 18:56 - United States - Ballston Spa

    Today, my mom told us she's cleaning all the bathrooms for 1 hour. This normally wouldn't be a problem, except I've had intense diarrhea for 2 days now. I'm currently in my room, squatting over my trash can. FML
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    btracy619 - 10/04/2016 18:43 - United States - Portsmouth

    Today, I realized I've lost control of my life when I spent entirely too much money on fancy cheese. FML
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    musiat - 10/04/2016 18:31 - United States - Lafayette

    Today, I was texting my aunt and my friend André . My aunt texted that her day was long and hard and naturally I thought my friend André had sent that so I typed back " so is my dick" . Fml
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    Shafro_0 - 10/04/2016 18:18 - United Kingdom

    Today I went on a date with a guy I like. When the bill came I go to my purse to pay my half and he says "Oh no, I can't let you do that!" but I insisted and he said "Oh alright then." We laughed... Shortly after he said "But no seriously, could you pay? I'm broke." I ended up paying for him too FML
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    anonymous - 10/04/2016 18:03 - United States - San Francisco

    Today, I realized that I made a horrible decision by getting married in my early twenties. I've tried to divorce with my wife more than once and she keeps saying "You Ain't Goin Nowhere".. FML
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    nodeathtoall - 10/04/2016 18:02 - United States - Festus

    Today, I got called in to work twice. This would normally be okay, I love helping out the team. Except for I had been rushed to the ER the night before with liver failure. FML
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    Barf - 10/04/2016 17:39 - United States - Salt Lake City

    Today, my fiance was kissing all over my neck when he burped unexpectedly. He stopped and pulled away mentioning he kept barf burping. Later on that night by myself, I noticed leftover barf chunks all over my neck. FML
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    anonymous - 10/04/2016 17:34 - United States - London

    Today, I was sexting my boyfriend over snapchat when I accidentally posted one of the pictures to my story. FML
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    Lucy - 10/04/2016 17:29 - United States - Loveland

    Today, I was getting it on with my girlfriend. (we are both girls) As I made her climax, she aggressively punched me in the face because I "kept going" and it made her freak out. I now have a bruised cheek bone. FML
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    HelloGoodBye230 - 10/04/2016 17:26 - United States - Richmond

    Today, my pregnant wife threw a lamp, vase, and plastic plant at me because she wanted Chick-Fil-A on a Sunday. 2 months to go. FML
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    shareeverything - 10/04/2016 16:53 - United States - Bristol

    Today my husband and I found out that my future sister in law and her fiance have decided to have their wedding on our 5th anniversary. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the bride to be and I didn't already share a birthday. Now I get to share birthdays and milestone anniversaries, yay. FML
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    seriously1738 - 10/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Concord

    Today, I snuck out to Wal-Mart with my best friend. Everything was good until we bought grape soda that looked like wine. The car driving by us called the police for "underage drinking". We were escorted to the police station. FML
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    Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
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    Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML
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    Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
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    Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML
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    Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
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    Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML
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