Your everyday life stories

KayPlay - 14/04/2016 17:53 - United States - Selden

Today, I tried introducing a friend to a funny podcast I listen to so I load up the most recent episode. However this happened to be the episode where they discussed a botched vasectomy and the ins and outs of canned ham. Now my friend won't look at me the same way again. FML

ugh - 14/04/2016 17:47 - United States - Sewell

Today, we were doing archery in gym class. I somehow managed to lodge a piece of the feather on the end of the arrow in my finger. FML

itchy and swollen - 14/04/2016 17:34 - United States - Denver

Today, after experiencing sever allergies, I broke down and bought some Zerteck. I took one at night and woke up with my eyes red and swollen to slits... Looks like I'm going to have to put up the allergies. FML

Nerdgurl86 - 14/04/2016 17:31 - United States

Today, my brother has a date with a woman who asked him out while he was picking up our dinner last night. I'm on several different dating sites and have been for over a year and am still painfully single. FML.

commandokid - 14/04/2016 17:27 - Canada

Today, my car door decided to pants me. Bad day to go commando. FML

Anonymous - 14/04/2016 17:17 - United States

Today, I found out my divorce was final when my ex's cousin showed me pictures of his wedding to his new wife. I have been divorced two days apparently. Fml

Mthrfukr - 14/04/2016 17:16 - United States - Southborough

Today, after buying a 70 dollar game, my brother sold it for 15 dollars. FML

ashyash90 - 14/04/2016 17:10 - United States - Sharon

Today, my boss said I interviewed poorly by brining up past job experiences and not exclusively talking about my current job. Apparently showing I have a history of leadership experience isn't a good strategy.

Anon - 14/04/2016 17:02 - United States

Today, I finally got my birth control I've been waiting on for a couple of months, that would be great if I wasn't a couple weeks pregnant.

quitefrankly98 - 14/04/2016 16:55 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my mum to check out some scratches on my back to see if they were infected. She assumed they were from sex and sat me down to give me 'the talk'. They scratches are stretch marks. FML

Anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:54 - Netherlands

Today, I got my performance results for my full first year in college. Turns out I'm getting a solid 0, I have no credits and no grades. I'm too scared to tell anybody. FML

deathworldwide - 14/04/2016 16:52 - United States - West Covina

Today after picking up my girlfriend from her theatre class, I decided to help her study. Instead of studying, we ended up having a talk on how she sees me more as a friend than a boyfriend. No worries though, as she mentioned several times that she wants to keep me in her life as a best friend. FML

shoot me now - 14/04/2016 16:48 - United States - Detroit

Today, I answered my boyfriends phone thinking it was an unknown number so I answered, "City morgue: you kill 'em we chill 'em, how may I help you?" It turned out to be his dad calling on a new number. FML

Anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:47 - United States

Today, while at a small festival, a girl offered to give a bag of candy and a cake pop. Because of how crowded the area was, I found myself with a cake pop and what I thought was a bag of blue rock candies. It wasn't until I got in my car that I found out that it wasn't candy. It was rocks. FML

Anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:47 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I began dating the love of my life. Today is also the day I found out I have a stalker, who proceeded to track me and him down and threaten to kill us with a hunting knife. We're spending our first night in a police station... FML

HappyBirthdayToMe - 14/04/2016 16:29 - United States - Southwest Brevard Cnty

Today, is my birthday. Every year I end up spending the day in bed crying because of one thing or another. This year, I told myself would be different. I booked a flight to Vegas, and kicked the negative people out of my life. Today is also the day I found out my father has cancer. FML.

Anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:23 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the men's room at my college was out of toilet paper. There was no janitorial staff around, so I asked a girl walking into the ladies if she would mind bringing me a roll. She pepper sprayed me, screamed "PERVERT! HELP ME" at the top of her lungs, and now I'm on academic suspension. FML.

anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:05 - United States - Somerville

Today, while I was fundraising, one man threw his cigarette butt into my jar. FML

Purexinsanity - 14/04/2016 15:56 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my neighbor took my dog from my back yard. He says he won't return her until I return his cat. The cat is also mine. FML

AllisonGrey19 - 14/04/2016 15:55 - United States

Today, I opened a 3 week old banana for my little sister that was still green. My mom told me to go use the big knife in the kitchen, so after a made a blood curdling scream, my mom ran into the kitchen and got pissed because I woke her up. I cut off the tip of my finger. FML

NoBabies - 14/04/2016 15:20

Today, my boyfriend vomited for nearly 5 minutes after having found out my dog peed on his sock during the night. This coming from the guy that said that having 4 children makes a good sized family. FML

Andrew6499 - 14/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Dublin

Today, I farted in science class. It was so loud it caused the hamster we were observing to shit itself and faint. FML

lovehurts - 14/04/2016 14:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiance broke up with me claiming i dont spend time with her, after i invited her to my apartment, bought her new shoes, and even drove the hour to take her to a movie in her city last week. FML

Anonymous - 14/04/2016 14:22 - India - Chennai

Today, I thought I was doing better with my acne before 10 people came and told me different ways to heal it cause it looks bad. FML

Straight A Student - 14/04/2016 14:18 - United States - Murray

Today, at a job interview, I told the interviewer I had never gotten a B. Apparently, they thought that meant I had below B grades in school. I meant I had straight A's. Guess I won't be getting a call back? FML

AllyJoy28 - 14/04/2016 14:01 - United States

Today, I turn 23 tomorrow so I decided to look back on my life. In the last 5 years the only thing that has changed is that I moved back home with my parents. FML

Thelonelydino - 14/04/2016 13:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to take a drug test for work, I have never used drugs but I tested positive and was fired after my boss heard about it. I guess the brownies my roommate made last didn't just make me extremely sleep. FML

Anonymous - 14/04/2016 12:50 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, my mum noticed that I have been spending lots of time on my phone recently, so she asked if there was a new guy in my life. I said yes because I was to embarrassed to tell her that I am addicted to FML. FML

jorgiaodonnell - 14/04/2016 12:37 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I was told my Dad had closed the P.O.Box he'd previously set up for our family to relocate our mail during our last move. I found out by receiving a phone call asking me which address is best for me to receive my 14 infringement notices, one of which may or may not be a warrant for my arrest.

ininja20 - 14/04/2016 12:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to ride my motorcycle to work, while on the highway it decided to die on me so I called my boss and told him I'm gonna be late to which he responded "your off today" FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

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Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

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Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

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Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

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Today, I lost a second friend to QAnon conspiracy theories. Worst yet, he started messaging everyone I know on Facebook, telling them I'm a hypocrite who doesn’t “do his research.” Those who don’t now think he was my gay lover believe we were lab partners. What do I do with that? FML

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

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