Your everyday life stories

yukithesmith - 15/04/2016 17:31 - United States

Today, I participated in GSLEN Day Of Silence. My crush, who I did not know was gay, asked me out, and I nodded yes, happily. He did not know about DOS , thought I wasn't interested and rude, and now won't talk to me. FML.

gneview - 15/04/2016 17:31 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I took a weekend trip to Chicago with some friends to celebrate my 21st. My boyfriend and I spent the entire time reminding our friends why they were there. FML

kre8iv - 15/04/2016 17:24 - Israel

Today, I was running late for an event so while in the shower, i decided to multitask and brush my hair at the same time I shaved my legs. I got so flustered that I ended up brushing my leg and shaving my head. FML.

TearsInMyEyes - 15/04/2016 17:11 - United States - Ruther Glen

Today, I got home piss wasted with mascara in my eyes, I ran to the bathroom and hastily wiped my eyes. With a discarded clorox wipe. FML

myownbigworld - 15/04/2016 17:07 - United States - El Segundo

Today, my mother called me hysterical saying our dog went missing. I started panicking and was about to run out of the office when I called her for more details she told me she found our dog in the bathtub. FML!

easter tail - 15/04/2016 17:00 - United States - Plattsburgh

Today, I was going to do my presentation for my biology class. The projector was on so everybody could see me logging to my email where my powerpoint was saved. As I was logging on, I did not click the password box and instead typed the password after my email, "ilove2sploog". FML

anonymous - 15/04/2016 16:45 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I had the runs. I also had an important meeting at home. Whilst in the meeting, my cat decided it'd be funny to reach up and scratch my back through the chair. Guess who had to sit through the rest of the meeting with shitty underpants? Fml.

PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 16:42 - Thailand

Today, tresspassingly, I was bare-back horse riding with my brother. My horse suddenly freaked, started galloping and eventually I fell off. I landed on my back - winded and looked between my legs in time to see my brother's horse galloping straight towards me. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 16:23 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I grabbed a cup of noodles for lunch. When I finished eating it and poured out the soup a used bandaid dropped out. FML

Lost Boy - 15/04/2016 16:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was following my mum at the store, and when I looked up from my phone, the lady I had been following wasn't my mom. FML

feline fine - 15/04/2016 16:20 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, my boyfriend left myself, a postnatally depressed mother and his 9 week old son because he is too proud to get help for his own depression. FML

trucker2 - 15/04/2016 16:04 - United States - Toledo

Today, cleaning the yard, I got stung by a bee... 3 shots and an hour later, I still have 1 boob massively swollen, they look like the odd couple.. FML

fluffahtoast - 15/04/2016 15:45 - United States - Mesa

Today, a guy came up to our table at lunch and told my girlfriend to let him hit that sometime. I quickly stood up and told him to properly fuck off, he cried. Turns out he is autistic. FML

Adonis0 - 15/04/2016 15:32 - Australia - Shailer Park

Today, due to my light sensitivity suddenly spiking in intensity I had to choose between crippling dizziness and pain or squinting so much that my reduced vision would be classified as legally blind, of course this had to happen when I was driving and still half an hour from home.. FML

ichapfap - 15/04/2016 13:42 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was about to finish my shift at McDonald's when a cute girl ordered something, I decided to make it better by adding extra stuff, when I walked out I walked over to get her number, resulting in getting slapped at screamed at because I made her look fat to her friends, FML.

Kromax - 15/04/2016 13:37 - Canada - London

Today, I had my high school prom. Unfortunately, I can't go to after prom due to my girlfriend not allowing me and not trusting me since she's in grade 11 and can't go. At the end of prom, she told me I can go. Thanks, that'd be nice if it wasn't too late to pay for my stay, $500 due 2 weeks ago.FML

ahoney002 - 15/04/2016 13:35 - United States

Today, I had a caller call in 3 separate times. It took me until the last 2 minutes of the 3rd call to realize he was masturbating to my voice. I didn't know what to do, so I still tried to get information for the verification process after he said "Thank you, April!" repeatedly as he finished. FML

AdultNeedingAdult - 15/04/2016 13:25 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, the elderly delivery guy that usually flirts with me and calls me gorgeous started our conversation as usual. I joked that because I have a split lip today, that I was looking ugly. He responded: "It's okay, I'll kiss you when it's healed." He's at least three times my age. FML.

EnderHorse - 15/04/2016 11:22 - United States - Hamilton

Today, is my birthday and my mom and I made a bet that no one would remember it. Surprisingly I won the bet, but the only person who remembered is the lady I buy lunch from. FML

ProtoBird - 15/04/2016 11:06 - United States

Today, (at night), a dear jumped in front of my car, lodging itself into every crevice in the front and bottom of my Mustang. The heat emitted from my car only turned it into rotting deer gut jerky. It's attracting animals. FML

vuza - 15/04/2016 11:05 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I found out why my teacher has been giving me weird looks and avoiding me. My friends made her believe I'm a lesbian, apparently she got a problem with homosexuals. Fml

Stabby - 15/04/2016 10:31 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, while walking home from work, I was jumped by 3 guys and stabbed. Before stabbing me one guy said "Next time you'll think twice before sleeping with someone else's wife Anthony." My name? Not Anthony.

hackedoff - 15/04/2016 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out 2 months ago my sister had my mother with dementia change her will without telling anyone. It was an act of revenge against the other sister who she's feuding with. Mum passed away a few weeks ago, and the bulk of her estate is now going to a complete stranger. FML

Surprise...? - 15/04/2016 09:42 - United States - Brandon

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend when he got home from work. So, I put on his favorite lingerie of mine and his in our bedroom. He called my name when he got home, and I didn't answer. He then said "Okay, she's not home." and then female giggling. FML

Queen of anything - 15/04/2016 09:20 - Netherlands

Today, my client texted me that our court date was in 30 minutes. Still at my one night stand's house I showed up in court hungover. Wearing the outfit of the previous night, smelling like beer, cigarettes and sex. We lost our case. Fml

Its_Sinon - 15/04/2016 09:14 - United States - San Diego

Today, while taking pictures of my sister on the beach, I went to her camera roll to see if the pictures were good enough. When I clicked on the camera roll I saw it was full of my sisters nudes. FML

mokemokerose - 15/04/2016 09:14 - United States - Ketchikan

Today, I confess to my crush that I was into him. Unfortunately my lil brother, who enjoys tormenting me whenever possible, decided to confront him on liking me back. I have no clue what my brother said, and it could range from 'Don't play her to she has an STD don't fuck her'. FML

mokemokerose - 15/04/2016 09:07 - United States - Ketchikan

Today, , my sister asked me to read her a text while driving, that would have been fine, if not for the fact the message was from her boyfriend talking dirty. Now I'm scarred and need a counselor. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 08:53 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after a terrible class presentation (I'm not brave), I decided to comfort myself with cake. The first cafe I went to sold only almond cakes (to which I am deathly allergic), the second shut down yesterday and the third only sold savoury muffins. 2 hours, 0 cakes. FML

ouchmyhand - 15/04/2016 08:44

Today, I confined to my best friend that I felt angry and powerless that I was sexually assaulted last year and that it still affects me in my relationships with men. Her response? "Well, it's just like burning your hand to an oven: you'll be more careful next time." Thanks. I guess. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML

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Today, my family is very toxic and they become more toxic every day. The real FML is that I can't do anything about it or leave, so I have to wait until I have enough money to leave. So, until that faraway dream becomes true, FML

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Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

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Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

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Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML

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Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

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