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lovers5201

Marie1994

Macphoto

Caught

Boredom - 26/01/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

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Thanks, I hate it!

poorkids - - United States - Auburn

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

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AFEmoWifey - 09/10/2012 10:21 - United States - Palmyra

Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML

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AFEmoWifey

AFEmoWifey 0

Tuesday 9 October 2012 18:00

We bent over backwards to make her comfortable. However, I'm not letting her have a say in my baby making. I'm 23 years older than her so she needs to be more respectful.

Creepy

Anonymous - 17/10/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

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girly - 12/04/2012 04:06 - United States - Canton

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

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