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op here! i submitted this two weeks ago and every thing is fine now, did get induced about four days later. since this is my first baby, it was expected of me to go over the due date :P we're both happy, healthy, and chilling with the new window ac.

Splosh

By WhosGoingToCleanThisUp - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 083

You deserved it 1 850

Danger zone

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 360

You deserved it 333

By Cat’s dildo - 29/11/2018 02:53

Today, I realized after I wrapped myself in a blanket that it was my cat's "humping blanket". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 781

Alaina Heuerman tells us more.

Alaina Heuerman 20

Thursday 22 November 2018 14:46

Alright I didn’t really wanna follow up but I need to clarify. HE IS NEUTERED he has been since we got him. Also that was my blanket but it very recently became humping blanket 2. Let’s just say he really likes soft fluffy blankets. So all of mine... (yes that’s him in my profile pic btw)

By lambeaster - 20/01/2016 14:27 - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 852

You deserved it 3 724

By IDon’tKnowAnymore - 02/12/2018 14:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and then going to her place, not only did she not want sex, she also wanted me to leave and told me she never wanted to see me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 428

You deserved it 1 282

Dad jokes FTW!

By rositaleigh - 01/07/2019 00:06

Today, my father and I were out in town when a lady walked up and commented on what a great looking couple we were. My dad puts his arm around me and says "Thank you! We've been together for 17 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 242

Tetchy

By ANON - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 217

You deserved it 836

By epicgamer - 13/09/2016 02:55 - United States - Fremont

Today, my extremely racist coworker was doing his usual thing. Since it was 9/11 he went absolutely hardcore on his "jokes" so I reported it to my supervisor. She asked what did he say specifically and I recited it to her. She decided to write me up for "making inappropriate comments at work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 123

You deserved it 1 337

By shrek - 29/08/2016 10:26 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 436

You deserved it 2 089

By logansowow - 25/08/2016 00:37

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 921

You deserved it 918

By DexiCola - 11/08/2016 17:02 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I asked my manager where the clearly-foreign customers were from. She said she didn't know, but she thought they were from ISIS. She wasn't trying to be funny, she thought ISIS was a country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 879

You deserved it 986

By SiegFail - 23/11/2017 05:00

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 125

You deserved it 326

Lingering

By Evjoel - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 948

You deserved it 1 171

Good question

By only child says fuck you mom - 10/04/2016 14:56 - United States - Holly Springs

Today, I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone. What caught my attention was when she said, "You ever look at your kid and just think... 'Fuck. Where'd I go wrong?'" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 816

You deserved it 2 464

Yeah, Mike

By considering murder - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I finally put the finishing touches to a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said, "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 748

You deserved it 1 899

Check this out

By Anonymous - 30/09/2018 12:00

Today, I had to run to put the trash out for the garbage truck, only I was so hungover, I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 2 744

By Rachel Todd - 06/04/2017 14:29

Today, I worked for 9 hours, walking up and down stairs and surviving. I get off work, come home, pour a glass of wine, and manage to fall down a small staircase in my house, spilling the wine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 994

You deserved it 752

Rachel Todd tells us more.

Rachel Todd 9

Thursday 6 April 2017 11:22

Hey everyone! Let me explain a little bit more of what happened up to the fall. I work in Hollywood, and for a show I was working on, they wanted people running up and down stairs because something happened (can't go into detail due to privacy for the show). Working in Hollywood can create crazy long hours, 9 hours being a "short day". So it being a night shoot, and pretending to run for my life, and being freezing cold, I wanted a glass of wine at 4am when I got home. As my mom said "you really need to start getting injured on the clock.. " haha