Miscellaneous Today, my 3 year old asked me to hold him. As I picked him up,...

Chubby Tubby Toby - 13/05/2016 23:37 - United States - Houston

Today, my 3 year old asked me to hold him. As I picked him up, I jokingly said "You're getting so heavy you're gonna make my arm fall off!" just as I do every time I pick him up. I then turned around to see a very offended amputee. FML

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St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! …

Courtney3242 5

Sunday 15 May 2016 4:43

I understand why they were offended, but you did no harm. You clearly meant it as a joke in a private conversation with your son.

Courtney3242 5

Sunday 15 May 2016 4:43

I understand why they were offended, but you did no harm. You clearly meant it as a joke in a private conversation with your son.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, out of pure boredom, I decided to listen to the soundtrack from a musical. When I got to the love song, I thought about my anxiety and where I stood with this one guy, and ended up crying to myself. The musical was Jesus Christ Superstar. FML

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Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

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Today, my brother announced his engagement. I'm going to be the Maid of Honor. My ex, who told me after five years of dating that he didn't believe in marriage, is going to be the Best Man. I get to walk down the aisle with him. FML

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Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

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Today, my front tooth randomly fell out in the middle of class. I brush regularly and visit the dentist, the tooth was perfectly healthy looking, and it didn’t hurt beforehand or bleed. It literally just fell out for no reason. Now I have a gap grin and I don’t know why. FML

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Today, my wife, who I haven’t seen for over a month because we both travel a lot for work, got home. The last thing she said to me was that she couldn't wait to get home because she just wants some alone time. FML

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