Animals: Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and...

By lolmyfduplife - 24/12/2015 06:10

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 707

You deserved it 2 099

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By gross - 06/08/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 835

You deserved it 3 179

Googoo gaga

By Daisie - 24/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I spent way too long baby-talking my neighbor’s dog through the fence, calling him "the cutest, sweetest baby." It turned out that my neighbor was sitting on the other side of the fence the entire time, out of view, quietly giggling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 412

By Mom2grls808 - 19/12/2018 20:00 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 523

By Water Daughter - 13/10/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 4 583

Catch!

By babybreath - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 388

You deserved it 10 350

By Jack00412 - 08/07/2014 19:55 - United States - Montague

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year-old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 320

You deserved it 5 542

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 19:43 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 779

You deserved it 1 479

By Anonymous - 27/10/2013 16:33 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 803

You deserved it 4 465

Baby fever

By SkeetinKeaton - 06/05/2013 06:29 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 422

You deserved it 6 568

Scary Auntie

By Trish - 30/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I tried to bond with my baby nephew by making funny faces at him. He stared at me like I was the most confusing creature he had ever seen, then burst into tears so loud it scared the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 199

aabhasj 20

Thursday 24 December 2015 12:11

dog turned out to be friendly so its still kinda cute even though its not ur dog.

FlamingColor 30

Thursday 24 December 2015 11:51

At least the dog was friendly and in the holiday sprit! :D

Comments

TheLastCenturion 19

Friday 25 December 2015 3:13

Welp. You've got one now.

shepardkinz 19

Friday 25 December 2015 3:50

Everyone else seems to interpret it as a legitimate dog, whereas I'm assuming it is a ghost dog. I hope OP clarifies this.

vikky538 28

Friday 25 December 2015 5:59

It was a christmas present i guess.

Bulbadragon 21

Friday 25 December 2015 7:17

With these kind of FMLs I always wonder how an animal just randomly ends up inside the house without being noticed.

mrsjeepracer 13

Saturday 26 December 2015 18:39

Congrats on your new pooch!!!!!

Nubsche 18

Monday 28 December 2015 12:49

it would not be cute, it would be disgusting...

Bubbs_666 5

Tuesday 2 February 2016 14:47

when u realize this comment section is worse than youtube's and everyone down votes funny things cough cough like puns cough

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The Top

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 751

You deserved it 5 110

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 26 390

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 201

You deserved it 1 482

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 347

You deserved it 8 134

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said, "I love you." I flipped out saying, "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you too!" He responded with, "What?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 205

You deserved it 17 588

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 723

You deserved it 4 724