Nearly FMLs

By doemetoch - 02/04/2016 08:54 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I stood up for a girl getting verbally abused by a man on the bus. The man then spent the rest of the bus ride insulting and threatening me. Noone stood up for me, not even the girl in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By seeyouroundneighborino - 02/04/2016 08:46 - Australia - Perth

Today, the guy I'm madly in love with called to tell me it's over because he is moving to the other side of the country. He just signed a 12 month lease on a house in the same suburb as me. He obviously doesn't remember telling me this. But it's ok because he's 'really cut up about it too'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By lesecureilsverts - 02/04/2016 08:34 - United States - Austin

Today, I'm exhausted from lack of sleep. Why? Every night, right before I go to bed, I get an intense itch that seems to move all over my body at random every few minutes. This usually lasts for several hours at a time. No doctor has been able to find a cause, and no amount of cream helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Notevenclose - 02/04/2016 08:33 - Australia - Perth

Today, the guy I was seeing was going down on me for the first time & after about 5 minutes commented on how long it was taking for me finish. After another 30 seconds, I started to moan, he stopped & said thank god he didn't think he could go much longer. I might go & window shop on tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 08:33 - United States

Today, I realized I can tell which member of the household has left their urine in the toilet based on color and fragrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By stupidmomma - 02/04/2016 07:57 - United States

Today, my 10-year-old and I drove over 6 hours for what was supposed to be a 3 hour road trip. The city we planned to stop in had no hotels. Neither did any other place within 4 hours. We're now parked in a lot with him trying to sleep in the backseat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 02/04/2016 07:45 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, my best friend had bought me a ticket to Comic-Con and asked me to be up and ready for 9am. That would of been all good and well if I hadn't been up since 2am with explosive diarrhoea every 20 to 30 minutes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Simon - 02/04/2016 07:26 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my eczema has migrated from my hands and arms to my penis and balls, so now, not only will my girlfriend not have sex with me because of how disgusting my penis looks, I can't masturbate either without rubbing the skin raw and bleeding all over my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By apparently a f***ing disgrace - 02/04/2016 07:20 - United States - Lincoln

Today,

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 2

By ackligtful - 02/04/2016 07:14 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I went to the park with my friends for a picnic. Halfway through I needed to go to the bathroom and went to stand in line. After standing in line for 45 minutes and with only four people left in front of me my friend accidentally nudged my stomach and I peed my pants. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By moxiinterstellar - 02/04/2016 06:17 - Italy - Saviano

Today, I went in for a haircut. I came out with an infection. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 06:06 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I, a straight male, decided to April Fool's prank my best friend (also a straight male) by confessing my love to him. Before I could admit it was a prank he said he's loved me for a long time. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Why me - 02/04/2016 05:44 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was enjoying an evening on the beach and drew a large, elaborate drawing in the sand. As I left a couple approached the drawing and I watched to see their reaction. I knew the drawing would only last until the tide came but I didn't expect a thirty year old man to drag his feet all over.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By pleasedothissomewhereelseimtired - 02/04/2016 05:42 - United States - Fairfax

Today, it is the last night of my trip with other exchange students to Washington D.C. Right now it 1:40am and I'm typing this while sitting in the hotel bathroom, having to listen to two of my new friends making out heavily on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By 28actress - 02/04/2016 05:25 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, and every other time I try to discreetly use the toilet at my boyfriend's house, I clogged it. This has happened at least five times and I seriously don't know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By truckers_wife - 02/04/2016 05:23 - United States - Elgin

Today, my husband went missing for 10 hours. After multiple phone calls and a missing persons report, we finally got a hold of him. Apparently he decided to spend all day looking for a birthday present for me with a dead phone instead of spending time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By jimmy - 02/04/2016 05:09 - Australia - Cashmere

Today after been married for over 7 years and having 2 kids my wife told me that they weren't mine and where her ex-boyfriends they are 4 and 5 years old FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By itsfineimfine - 02/04/2016 05:08 - United States - Wylie

Today, my ex boyfriend texted me to tell me he had a great time with my best friend last night. Then sent oops wrong person. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 04:22 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I received a call saying that I was hired for my dream job. I called my family and friends and posted on Facebook the good news. Six hours later I got another call from the job with the guy hysterically laughing, screaming "April Fools!", and hanging up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Not Funny Business - 02/04/2016 04:16 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I received an early morning call saying that I was hired for my dream job. I called my family and friends and posted it on Facebook to tell the good news. 6 hours later I got another call from the job with the guy hysterically laughing, screaming "April Fools!", then hanging up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By 0h_Boy - 02/04/2016 04:05 - United States

Today, I lied and told a customer I didn't know anything about a tool, and redirected him to a female associate. I wanted to prove she was just as competent as I was. Instead, he screamed at her for giving him misinformation, making her cry. Next time, ask for info on the right tool, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 04:03 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I accidentally burned my arm with a pan. It was kinda ugly, so I covered it with a band aid. But when I took off the band aid, it ripped my skin surrounding the burn. The band aid caused more damage than the hot pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By fulltimestudentandworker - 02/04/2016 04:00 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I was near the end of my shift at work and exhausted. So, when my coworker offered me coffee at almost 10pm I happily accepted due to lack of sleep from college and work. Now I'm laying in bed finally trying to sleep and the caffeine has me wide awake. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Kayyoungsterr - 02/04/2016 03:55 - United States - Palestine

Today, I got my FIRST Adam&Eve package in the mail. I'm was nervous because I had never ordered anything like it. Instead of the small toy that I originally ordered, I opened the package to a 10 inch long black dildo with a suction cup. I was in my car, and my creepy naighbor drove by and saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 02/04/2016 03:50 - Canada - Milton

Today, I held hands with a guy for the first time... to bad it was for a science experiment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By JoeTitan25 - 02/04/2016 03:34 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I was going to ask a girl out that I like a lot. I wrote her a song and sang it to her, because she likes music and bands, like me. After that, she replies with "Joe, you're always good for a laugh. Good April Fools Day joke!" She runs away laughing to tell all her friends. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By singleagain - 02/04/2016 03:34 - United States - San Antonio

Today, My boyfriend of 3 years admitted he had sex with someone. It was my sister. They did it in my car while I was sleep. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fhlakd - 02/04/2016 03:26 - United States - Muskego

Today, I was painting my room, as I am redecorating, when I heard a knock on the door. It was a neighbor who told me my garage is on fire. I said 'April fool's?'. Nope. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By jrtzebra - 02/04/2016 03:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my school as a April fools joke someone drew a dick on the main white board in the hallway. When they find out who it was my school is sending the person to a detention school. People think it's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By blupariah - 02/04/2016 03:15

Today, an ex boyfriend I dated for a little over 2 years implied he was interested in getting back together. I was excited because I still have some feelings for him. Too bad it was a cruel April fools joke. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my ex-best friend, who I haven't spoken to in a year because of how obsessive she got, posted a picture of herself with dyed brown hair and glasses. We look like twins. Even I thought it was me. Some people are commenting that I look beautiful. School starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 429

You deserved it 1 467

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 896

You deserved it 8 645

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 901

You deserved it 2 630

Today, I'm catfishing a guy on Twitter. I didn't mean to start it, I had an account I used to vent with, and I used a pic with a cute girl. He sent me a DM saying he liked my pic. He wanted to talk on the phone, and we have fallen for each other. He thinks I'm 18. I'm a 39 year-old single mother of 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 5 727

Today, I was woken up by my cat. Did he bite me? Meow to get fed? No, those are too common. He scratched my hole, and it was very exciting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 682

Today, I finally left New York and moved back to my little hometown, only for the job I had lined up to fall through. Now I'm unemployed, can't find anything, and my parents aren't willing to help because they're angry that I "walked out on the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 98