All the FMLs

This is the end

By MexyBoy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 278

You deserved it 6 709

In this economy?

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 188

Snaked

By Drained - 30/05/2025 07:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my wife complained that the shower was draining slowly, so I took the drain cover off and snaked the drain. I pulled out a giant blob of reeking, stinking, rotten filth. My wife saw it and screamed. Now she insists she can still smell it on my hands and won't let me near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 74

Disappointment

By Anonymous - 29/05/2025 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I feel like I’ve failed as a parent. My brilliant college-bound daughter is throwing her life and future away to play “step-mama” with her scummy dropout boyfriend. The loser is 17 with three kids but my daughter is absolutely smitten. Neither my husband nor I can make her change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 94

Thanks but no thanks

By Nicole - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So, it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 953

You deserved it 3 373

This is fine

By Ouch - 29/05/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I are too much alike. We're both too stubborn to accept any olive branch from each other, even though all we want is to make up, so we just live in this mutual self-inflicted hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 670

Stop moving!

By Anonymous - 29/05/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I had to try and capture some of my dog’s pee to get tests done. During the attempt, he pissed all up my arm, the ordeal drawing a crowd of spectators who no doubt think I’ve gone mad. After all that, the sample captured wasn’t enough to be tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 104

Strange system

By Anonymous - 29/05/2025 09:00 - Sweden - Gothenburg

Today, I was expecting a big sum of money for skipping last year's vacation while working as a freelancer, as I've done the last four years. Turns out I won't get the money, as last month I accepted a full time employment, and now that money has been turned into vacation days instead. Guess I won't buy a new home yet… FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 137

Eat Y'self Fitter

By Shnur - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 years-old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother with shocked look and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 281

You deserved it 21 484

Not the time to get distracted

By Lost Reggie - 28/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Vilonia

Today, after a tearful weekend of burying my best friend, I stopped for gas on my way home. I got distracted by a guy next to me who was acting strange. I unknowingly filled my car with Diesel. It cost over $1000 to tow home, and I can't even get it looked at until Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 295

Isn't this, like, a crime?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend blows weed smoke at me while I sleep. I don’t smoke. Then he turns off the Ring camera in the middle of the night and cheats on me with men that he finds on Grindr. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 165

Classic Dad moment

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 22:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my dad for the first time. She politely asked how he was doing, and he responded, “Still vertical. Still annoying people.” Then he winked at her and said, “You poor thing.” I wanted to melt into the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 140

Be careful what you wish for

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 823

You deserved it 3 419

Bet!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 21:00 - China - Wuhan

Today, I made a bet with my classmate that I would dare to play a weird song in front of the professor. I did, and as promised, she was supposed to give me $20, but she said it was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 351

A for Effort, but…

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to balloons, streamers, and my roommates yelling “SURPRISE!” Unfortunately, they got the wrong day. My birthday is next week, and now I'll probably have to pretend to be surprised again in seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 99

Just trying to help

By Dave - 28/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I saw a little boy wandering in the supermarket looking lost and distraught. I gently put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Hey buddy, where’s your mommy?” He screamed, “STRANGER DANGER!” and kicked me in the shin. His actual mom wandered over from the cheese section, gave me a dirty look, and walked off. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 184

Tool Academy

By soundbox - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching "Tool Academy" with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be "Tiny Tool." I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 851

You deserved it 4 864

Bloody Janet

By Not Janet - 28/05/2025 03:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was on a Zoom call with my mic muted. Or so I thought. After about a minute, I started ranting about how Janet always gets credit for my work. Janet was in the meeting. So was my boss. None of them was receptive to my criticism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 627

Doggy drama

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, three days after my dog gave birth to her puppies, she actually picked them up and brought them to me. I thought it meant she trusted me with them. Nope. She was saying, "Here, they’re your problem now" because she hasn’t let them near her since, even to feed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 101

All road, no destination

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, after ten months of carpooling or borrowing my mom's car to get to work, and saving money, I finally have a brand new car. However, I have nowhere to go, besides work, and everyone I know is busy or lives out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 133

Woah!

By Mel - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 306

You deserved it 13 081

Sure about that?

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I told my dad that my boyfriend and I were thinking about moving in together. Without missing a beat, he looked at my boyfriend and said, “Brave man. You sure you want to sign up for 24/7 mood swings and hair in the drain?” My boyfriend laughed. A little too hard for my liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 312

Shoot your shot

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 18:00 - China - Wuhan

Today, I learnt through others that my crush will be emigrating to the US in a month's time. We've known each other for almost three years but I'm too afraid to say it. But then we will never cross paths again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 362

Home sweet home

By Hungry dad - 27/05/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 129

Nature is healing

By screwthewilderness - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 652

You deserved it 3 769

Gimme more

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got the call from HR telling me I passed the interview and will get a permanent position, doing the same job I already do. Then they continued to say that if I accept, my pay will be cut to match “other employees pay”. I barely make it on what they are paying me now. I also have a Master's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 95

Jaded

By Anonymous - 26/05/2025 23:00

Today, after my son got his first girlfriend at 19, a nice girl as well, he broke up with her after 3 days because women are "too much effort", too "expensive", and keep trying to make him "do things." Unbelievable. Three days with a woman turned him into a cynical 65 year-old who's been married for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 179

Chewed up and spat out

By Anonymous - 26/05/2025 21:00

Today, I retired after 38 years. I went in expecting a proper goodbye, tears, and handshakes. I got none of that; they had me work like normal, then escorted me out after my shift because legally they had to make sure I’d definitely left the building. Not even a retirement card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 94

Mean girls

By ToxicFriends - 26/05/2025 20:00 - Germany

Today, a mama from my daughter's class has been talking nicely with me, and we've been friends for the past year, going to the playground and library together regularly. Now, all of a sudden, she has stopped talking or going out with us for no reason. I don't know if my daughter and I are both back in school now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 87

College life

By rimenrezon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 343

You deserved it 2 537

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, 3 hours into a 7-hour flight, I only ate half the chocolate mousse that came with my meal and decided to give the rest to my boyfriend. While reaching for his tray, he mistook the action as me stealing his mousse. We spent the rest of the flight covered in sticky soft drink splatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 861

You deserved it 916

Today, I realized that for 31 years I have been defending our children to their father. Our oldest is 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 228

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 806

You deserved it 3 632

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 789

You deserved it 18 018

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 163

You deserved it 942

Today, I have been working a childhood dream job, getting paid more than a doctor gets paid, to just sit around, smoke weed, and play video games. From sitting down for so long I have a tailbone infection and I bleed all day from it. I've gained over 40kg, I've lost all social contacts. Is it worth it for 15k a month? FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 885