All the FMLs

Tradlife blues

By Anemity_is_my_name - 17/05/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I wish I could go back to living alone in a van, sleeping, eating, and showering in the truck stop that's near my job. I've tried to be a model husband and father for over a decade, and am left depressed, and exhausted. I love them all just enough to not actually abandon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 267

Encourage your kids, damn asshats!

By The bassist - 17/05/2021 04:01

Today, months after buying my first bass guitar and taking bass lessons using my own money, I realized that my parents refused to buy me an instrument, claiming that I sucked at it. What actually happened is that they didn't feel like paying for some "teenage bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 170

This is Kerpal

By mickymoose1 - 17/05/2021 01:59

Today, a couple at the dog park, who seemed afraid of large dogs, tried to kick my dog for trying to say hi to them. They then called the police on me for lunging and yelling at the guy for trying to kick my dog. It's an off-leash dog park people, don't go there if you're afraid of dogs! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 177

Hyperpoop

By Elongated Muskrat - 17/05/2021 00:01 - France

Today, a friend of mine enthusiastically explained to me how Elon Musk's car-tunnel-thing is supposed to work. I don't know what's worse, the dumbass tunnel or the fact that my friend thinks it's an amazing idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 1 079

Driving me up the wall

By Rose - 17/05/2021 06:01 - Australia - Castle Hill

Today, I was a month away from being seizure-free long enough to be able to get my licence when I experienced one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 112

Economic abuse

By whyme - 16/05/2021 20:01

Today, I got my first tattoo. I felt good about it, until I told my mom, who was not happy. She responded by taking me out of her car insurance policy, family plan, and charging me for rent every month since I, "wanna be all grown up now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 717

Honest discrimination

By erin - 16/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was called fatphobic for rejecting an overweight man who asked me on a date. I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to fat people. There’s just nothing there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 243

In the bag!

By hiccups - 16/05/2021 14:02

Today, I had a job interview. I thought it was going pretty well, until I got the hiccups. The interviewer immediately said, "Yeah, I think we’re done here," and sent me away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 92

Life imitates art

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 11:01

Today, I realized that I've watched so much Honey Boo Boo that I've developed a mild southern accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 1 224

Good to know

By peeshy - 16/05/2021 06:01

Today, I used the upstairs bathroom rather than the downstairs one, which was in close earshot of my parents. When I came out, my mom angrily asked why I used that bathroom. I explained to her that I have shy bladder, and she said, "That’s not a real thing. I can go even with someone watching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 139

Shave it off, own it!

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, like any other day for a year, I'm 17 years-old. Today, like any other day, I have my hair styled in a combover because I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 98

I want the best for you

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 01:59 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I found that the only two people I've ever been in love with fell in love with one another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 104

Burning rubber

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bought a car that literally caught fire seconds after I started the engine. The dealership then fobbed me off, saying I'd driven it off their forecourt (by about 3 yards), so it was entirely my problem, but they still expect my monthly payments to be on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 99

Little bundles of joy

By SD. - 15/05/2021 16:06 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I woke up to my lovely 16-month old with her diaper on. When I stood up to retrieve and toss it, I also realized she'd pooped into her hand and thrown a log onto the middle of the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 181

Dust in the wind

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 13:59 - New Zealand

Today, I went to withdraw some money out the bank. On a windy day. Next minute, woosh, my money was gone. My last $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 224

Privacy

By silver bear - 15/05/2021 17:00

Today, my dad saw my cleared internet history and said, "You do know we can still track your history with your IP address, right?" I don’t ever look at porn or anything like that. I just don’t want other people knowing all my business all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 130

8 out of 10 orthopedists

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, I had a talk with my orthopedist about getting back to fitness training. However, according to her, all my favorite exercises, although taught to me by professionals, are "things one should never do" and "very very bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 143

Money for whining

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 23:59 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I realized I get paid to hear my boss complain and talk crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 140

Different together

By jessie - 15/05/2021 04:00

Today, my mom walked in on me shaving the tops of my legs. She called me a freak, since apparently women aren’t even supposed to grow hair there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 87

Psycho

By deadgirl - 15/05/2021 01:59

Today, I accidentally broke one of my mom’s favorite glasses while she was away. My dad saw and offered to tell her instead that he broke it, because, "let’s face it, if she knew it was you, she’d shove the glass shards down your fucking throat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 142

Where am I?

By sam - 15/05/2021 00:01

Today, same as always, I still have to take a moment to distinguish between right and left. I’m 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 329

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 254

How Soon is Now?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 12:59 - Colombia - Bogota

Today, I realized that my boyfriend‘s birthday was two weeks ago, so I immediately sent him a message as if it was today. He didn’t believe my excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 928

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 11:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my fiancé of over 5 years and I split, since I don't want kids and he does, which I have told him throughout our relationship. It gets better: we live in a house that his father owns and his father wants me out… in a fucking week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 721

Customers…

By Giselle - 14/05/2021 14:01

Today, two girls walked into the clothing store I work in. One of them pulled a shirt from the bottom of a huge stack, knocking it down. One of them asks, "Aren’t your gonna put the stack back together?" The other says, "No, that bitch gets paid to clean that shit up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 108

Bladdered

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 14:31 - India - Delhi

Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 1 395

Traitor!

By maricela - 14/05/2021 07:58

Today, I found out why my boyfriend didn’t want me to attend his graduation: because a classmate he’s been seeing was there. I watched through the livestream posted on the school website as they held hands, hugged and kissed. I motivated him to finish college in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 114

Light sentence

By ClumsyTeen - 13/05/2021 23:57 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 2 227

Bad omens all around

By bubble wrapped girl - 13/05/2021 19:01 - United States - Medford

Today, I got into a accident at the dunes, rolling a Razor buggy. Last weekend, I sleepwalked and microwaved my phone. Last month, I gave myself third degree burns while curling my hair. I need to live in a bubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 329

Sticking together

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 02:01

Today, I was disowned in my family because of the pandemic, after I refused to quit my job and live at my parents house, with them supporting my family, so now no one in my family has acknowledged my existence since August 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 102

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 671

You deserved it 5 946

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 157

You deserved it 7 535

Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 515

You deserved it 2 892

Today, while waiting for my interview to start, I tried to slip out a silent fart. It ended with shit running down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 629

You deserved it 1 375

Today, I said to my man, "You used to tell me you love me, but lately you don’t even want me telling you." He responded with a story about his clogged shower drain and then couldn’t understand why I got upset, because apparently this was his “reply to the question I asked.” WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 144

Today, I was trying to find my phone. My friend found it, and instead of handing it to me like a normal person, he threw it at me. I'm terrible at catching stuff. It bounced off my arm and landed in his cup of Sprite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 141