metalcruton

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high river, canada
31 years-old
Wednesday 13 July 1994
Not specified

A propos de Metalcruton

i am canadian and proud of it. i hate cold wheather and have douche bag friends-_- and FML ROCKS

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Metalcruton's favorite FMLs

Caught off guard

By dooommage - this FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

agreeclassic 28 399

vote type 1 15 375

Stranger danger

By shit - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML

agreeclassic 17 730

vote type 1 31 766

By parentfail - 11/12/2010 14:44 - United Kingdom

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

agreeclassic 475

vote type 1 108

By katybaby - 09/12/2010 17:15 - United States

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

agreeclassic 32 389

vote type 1 11 713

Suave

By ooblie - 08/12/2010 08:22 - United States

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "My mom is SO awesome." FML

agreeclassic 36 026

vote type 1 4 023