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offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

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Anonymous - 26/04/2011 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

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Tonight, on First Dates…

Anonymous - - Israel

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

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Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

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Bananarama

wtfisthisworldcomingto -

Today, I was mugged. The guy mugging me was eating a banana. FML

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