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timinator5000

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Wednesday 23 August 2017

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People have lists?!

Anonymous - 22/09/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML

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Anonymous - 24/05/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

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I'm happy for you, but…

Love stinks - 19/08/2013 13:06 - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

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Spiked

Kmcc - 22/04/2019 12:00

Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML

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Toadqueen - 15/04/2019 09:00 - United States - Pharr

Today, five hours into the new year, I have two flat tires. I sat on the bed and the frame broke. I then dropped my phone breaking the lock button and the screen. After the bed is on the floor, I try to get up and smash my laptop. I then dropped my phone onto my $300 bong shattering the base. FML

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