The Top

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By why me - 22/05/2011 23:09

Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 768

You deserved it 37 067

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 817

You deserved it 5 621

By OTZ - 26/01/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy I've ever met. He is also rich and successful, and would probably be perfect for me, if only he could stop bragging about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 040

You deserved it 14 131

By PrettyScared - 29/07/2013 15:07 - United States - Matthews

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 644

You deserved it 6 057

By nerofirst - 19/08/2011 13:40 - Canada

Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 219

You deserved it 6 355

nerofirst tells us more.

nerofirst 0

Friday 19 August 2011 21:22

She wanted to wear lingerie but it came with a cape

By anonymous - 08/03/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 672

You deserved it 4 983

Poof, gone!

By Me - 12/09/2011 07:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents used all of the college money I have been saving up for 8 years to buy a beach house. The reason they waited until now to tell me? A tree fell on it, and they need more money for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 407

You deserved it 2 503

By rhartnett11 - 16/02/2011 12:56

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 700

You deserved it 41 222

By anonymous - 14/05/2012 10:31 - United States - Havelock

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 707

You deserved it 6 425

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 20:00 - United States - Framingham

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 668

You deserved it 4 911

By BadTime - 30/08/2011 09:35 - United States

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 269

You deserved it 3 641

By Anonymous - 09/08/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 374

You deserved it 54 329

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 318

You deserved it 4 526

By Shelby - 19/06/2012 16:38 - United States - Nokomis

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 932

You deserved it 17 310

By Username - 08/07/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 633

You deserved it 6 711

By emydoll - 28/04/2014 03:28 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 274

You deserved it 48 093

emydoll tells us more.

emydoll 14

Monday 28 April 2014 23:08

I probably should have made a few things clear first, this girl was a total bitch in high school and made fun of me daily. So you can imagine how surprised I was in that horribly awkward situation.

By jfields2474 - 16/03/2015 04:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 763

You deserved it 3 588

By buttpicker - 19/04/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 36

By Nick - 08/07/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 489

You deserved it 11 772

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 459

You deserved it 34 668

By SMS123 - 25/06/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 31

By DBZ - 20/02/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 709

You deserved it 7 547

By Unlucky - 25/07/2012 13:03 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 887

You deserved it 3 622

Thin skinned

By cbad - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I cut my finger with a plastic knife while demonstrating that you can't cut yourself with a plastic knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 152

You deserved it 48 806

By BNLM - 09/03/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I found the purity ring I lost a year ago. Too bad I lost my virginity 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 635

You deserved it 34 246

By killmenow - 10/09/2012 17:52 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 281

You deserved it 77 760

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 296

You deserved it 19 443

By Cowan - 06/08/2009 12:27 - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor… who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 870

You deserved it 125 437

By Anonymous - 31/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 974

You deserved it 5 158

By SMCHR - 09/05/2011 03:22 - Ireland

Today, after I moved into my college dorm three days ago, my roommate is still convinced that she is a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 268

You deserved it 3 673

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The Top

Today, my parents told me they were getting divorced, at the beginning of a family road trip, adding that this'll be the last thing we ever do as a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 838

You deserved it 1 682

Today, I thought I'd been really clever by setting my alarm ten minutes earlier to get up on time. I did wake up ten minutes earlier… then promptly fell back asleep for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 458

Today, I had just finished writing an essay for English. I was proud of it and thought it was one of my best works. I decided to show it to my mom, who is an English major. She read it, turned to me and said, "You know, if you actually want to go to UCLA, you're going to need to actually try." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 227

You deserved it 4 642

Today, I went back to my flat after a night on the town and staying at my girlfriend's. My flat was flooded. I had been sick in the sink and left the tap on all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 343

You deserved it 24 890

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 1 548

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 485

You deserved it 12 726