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By Deadfish - 26/07/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 400

You deserved it 7 149

By bexes - 27/08/2013 10:29 - United States - Katy

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 794

You deserved it 4 427

bexes tells us more.

bexes 7

Wednesday 28 August 2013 2:04

Hey guys, OP here. After reading some of the comments I can see there is a bit of confusion. The babysitting thing was a great gig at the start. She was paying me $200/week. What had happened was she hurt her back and couldn't work but had to go to multiple dr appointments there after. I was wanting to take a CNA course that cost $500. So we agreed she would pay for the class if I continued to watch the kids during her appointments. I held up my end she didn't.

By Lucy - 21/07/2012 07:40 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 630

You deserved it 5 451

Taco Bell, huh?

By tanya - 25/10/2010 12:32 - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I checked my Facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption, "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 160

You deserved it 41 061

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 07:11 - New Zealand

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 736

You deserved it 5 895

I stand accused

By Creep - 15/07/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 819

You deserved it 6 106

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 10:30 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 464

You deserved it 8 366

By 34_22_34 - 28/07/2010 19:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He said we’d go pick up the ring tomorrow. Then he asked to borrow $40 to get it out of pawn. He pawned it when his ex gave it back to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 269

You deserved it 4 879

By dileigh - 10/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 270

You deserved it 3 636

Oh no…

By doubletrouble - 22/04/2011 14:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally found a roommate after hopelessly looking for months. I was really anxious to meet the guy because I would most likely be spending a good amount of time with him. Who did my boyfriend end up picking as his new roommate? My ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 364

You deserved it 4 703

Pesky kids

By Kyle - 03/12/2013 06:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they couldn't get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 355

You deserved it 6 968

By ausmill12 - 19/11/2012 06:18 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 5 223

By snappyPi - 28/01/2011 06:21

Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 138

You deserved it 5 716

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 18:58 - United States

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 851

You deserved it 5 423

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 13:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 585

You deserved it 3 087

By me - 07/09/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, I missed my bus, so I walked home in the rain from school, only to realize my mom had been following me the whole time in the car, laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 716

You deserved it 4 005

Call the cops

By pleasekillme - 19/04/2013 11:44 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, it's been over three months since my housemates ended their one month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 151

You deserved it 4 472

By Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 262

You deserved it 3 054

Drained

By please_no - 16/03/2010 14:40 - United States

Today, the water in my shower wouldn't drain so I used a snake to unclog it. I pulled almost a full foot of nasty hair and gunk out of the drain. I just moved in, and the previous owner was an elderly woman. I just pulled a foot of old lady pubes out of my drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 575

You deserved it 3 349

By nicchick411 - 27/03/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 208

You deserved it 8 113

By wtf - 17/12/2012 19:38 - United States

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 849

You deserved it 3 882

By creamed - 20/02/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 078

You deserved it 36 879

Gig etiquette

By lekijkerd - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Leusden

Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 761

You deserved it 32 897

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 09:17 - New Zealand

Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 166

You deserved it 2 755

By names suck and so do I - 08/08/2013 12:54 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 221

You deserved it 10 161

By anonymous - 24/09/2011 15:22 - United States

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 423

You deserved it 4 723

Oh, hi!

By Embarrassed - 07/08/2012 07:48 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 801

You deserved it 35 462

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 337

You deserved it 68 771

Shitshow

By emie0209 - 11/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that won't work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 587

You deserved it 6 540

By XxMe123xx - 19/08/2010 00:51 - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 604

You deserved it 10 966

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The Top

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 583

You deserved it 5 959

Today, at work, I bumped into what looked like a small child and said, "Sorry, little man". Turns out he actually was a little person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 254

You deserved it 1 160

Today, I got locked inside my office again by my co-workers because they had forgotten I was still around when they left. This happens 1 or 2 times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 091

You deserved it 4 437

Today, I was feeling frisky and my boyfriend was playing a video game in the living room. I started dancing in front of the T.V. with only my panties on, to which he responded, "You're every gamer's nightmare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 671

You deserved it 1 578

Today, my cat had a long dingleberry hanging off his butt. He decided the best way to get rid of it was to freak out and run around the house, shaking shit everywhere. To make it worse, he then licked his still shit covered butt, made a face and promptly threw up. Guess my cat isn’t the brightest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 183

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because, I "shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 378

You deserved it 2 865